Neil Crone - Enter Laughing

Nifty fifty

I attended the 50th birthday party of an old highschool pal of mine last night.  When I received the invitation  I found myself doing a bit of a double take.  50! Never mind the fact that I am only two years away from that milestone, it just seemed like big deal all of a sudden.  My friend, someone I had gone to highschool with, played football with, ran track with, talked about girls with...was 50.  I almost heard an audible click as life shifted into overdrive on it's ever quickening race to the finish. 
Something very wonderful happened though when I arrived.  I saw people, including the birthday boy, who I hadn't seen in many years...but it was like no time had elapsed at all.  We could've picked up in mid sentence from where we'd left off.  On the drive home I commented to my wife about how comfortable and comforting it is to now and then be among the people you grew up with.  It's like you all share the same touchstones, speak the same language.  Maybe it's something as simple as realizing you're not the only one getting older. In any event it was a wonderful night and this morning I awoke feeling loved and happy.

Bite me, Rachel.

I just received another call from 'Rachel'.  The computerized voice from our friendly credit card company.  I'd just like to know who was the genius who thought this kind of marketing might actually work?  I'd have loved to have been a fly on the wall at that meeting.
"Just imagine J.P.  We set up a computer to call thousands of people every day.  We interrupt their day and force them to listen to a lifeless, monotone, computerized voice delivering nonsensical drivel.  I tell you the orders will be flying off the shelves!"
Who are the dopes who greenlight this stuff?  More to the point, are any of us staying on the line for more than the nanosecond it takes to tell computerized Rachel to 'Bite me' and hang up?  Is anyone that lonely that they actually listen to the whole schpeel?  Tell you what...if you're in that dire need of a phone call or human contact...email me.  I'll call you and I won't bug you to buy a credit card.  We can just chat...human to human.

A Prayerful Hymn...

If you're in need of a little beauty, joy or perhaps inspiration today check out this video of Oliver Schroer playing a hauntingly beautiful composition entitled 'A Prayerful Hymn'. Oliver died from leukemia this past July, but his musical legacy is a staggering example of the majesty of the human spirit and what we are all capable of doing while stumbling about in these skin suits.  Life is good friends. Enjoy this gorgeous day.

If it ain't broke...

Remember the old adage, 'If it ain't broke, don't fix it'?  Why have the good people at Dare gone and messed with the recipe for Girl Guide cookies?  Knuckling under from pressure brought by some stinking do-gooders they've decided to reduce the trans fats in these yummy little bits of heaven by 90%.  90%!!!
Why don't we just throw the cookies out and eat the package?  Come on people.  Nobody buys Girl Guide cookies for a healthy snack.  They're rotten for you.  We know that, but they taste out of this world.  Especially the Vanilla ones.  And they're only available once a year so how much trouble can we get into.  Plus our guilt is assuaged by supporting the Girl Guides...it's the perfect setup.  It allows us cookie lovers to indulge without feeling badly.  Really, low-fat Girl Guide cookies is like diet coke. What is the point? I was irked when they brought in those Chocolatey Mint abominations under the guise of Girl Guide cookies, but I let it slide.  This however, may be the last straw. The cookie that crumbles.

Reaching them at a different level...

We watched The Fisher King last night.  What a great bit of filmmaking.  I'd forgotten how impactful it is.  I was also very happy that my kids watched it with us.  It blew their minds too.  I love being able to share what I consider to be important or even seminal art with my children.  More than teaching them to count or even read I think when you can expose them to something that reaches them at the 'soul' level, you've really done your work as a parent.  It doesn't happen all that often but it sure feels good when it does.  It's like when you take your kid to an art gallery and they suddenly 'get' Van Gogh.  Or sometimes it's something even simpler, but no less mindblowing.  The stars in Algonquin or their first glimpse of a Snowy Owl or a mist shrouded lake at dawn.  These are things that speak to us as humans in a way very few other things do.  If you can find them as an adult and then share them with your kids...it makes up for an awful lot of nagging about the clothes on the floor.

The bacon switch.

Have you ever noticed how bacon is a lot like fudge?  When you are in the mood for bacon, or when you can smell it cooking you are absolutely ravenous for it.  Likewise when you're walking through the Fair grounds and you come upon the fudge lady with her neatly stacked rows of sugary goodness in front of her.  You can't wait to try some and it's very difficult to eat bacon or fudge slowly.  And every mouthful is deliriously good...until you hit that critical limit.  Unlike other foods where you can feel yourself slowly getting full or tired of the flavour and decide to reduce your intake over a period of fork or spoonfulls, with bacon and fudge it's like somebody throws a switch and suddenly even the sight of the stuff is enough to make you hurl.  Weird that. One mouthful you're faint with pleasure, the next you swear you'll never touch the stuff again.

Partying by the Numbers...

Looking for a good time?  You might want to drop into the Financial Technology Show next Tuesday.  An entire conference centre crammed full of goodies for the Accounting or Payroll professional.  Zowie.  Then again, it may not be to your liking.  You know how these shows can be...bikini clad babes draped over the latest in Spreadsheets.  Smooth talking sales guys flogging a million different ways to fudge a T-401 or make a General Ledger so clean you could eat off of it. Pretty heady. Not to mention the fact that you've got a room full of Bean Counters and Number Crunchers.  And those cats can party.  Count me in!

To bail or not to bail...

I'm wrestling a little with this Auto Industry bail out thing.   For starters, I know how important the industry is to the economy of this continent. I realize how many jobs are on the line if one or more of the big three go boobs up, and I certainly don't want any hardworking person to lose their income.  But I'm having real difficulty feeling any charity towards those uber-wealthy CEO's crying poor to Ottawa right now. Wouldn't all of us like to be able to go to Ottawa when things get tough.  Wouldn't we all love a bail-out on those sleepless nights when making the mortgage or this months taxes is touch and go?  That would be sweet. But again, I understand that to let this industry go through the natural checks and balances that all the rest of us are forced to go through, would be catastrophic, at least for some people.  But could we at least see a little give and take.  It would be nice to hear at least one of them, in his Armani suit and thousand dollar loafers say 'Okay, okay, give us the money and I promise I'll only take a $500,000.00 salary next year.'  Even the Union guys saying, 'We'll cut back wages until we pay this money back'. Or at least somebody saying 'We'll stop making idiotic decisions like making gas guzzling, huge SUV's in the middle of a gas crisis and focus more heavily on green technology.'  'We're sorry about relaunching the Camaro...we weren't thinking!'  Something.  Anything. I have to tell you it's more than a little galling, as a self-employed person, a person who never knows from week to week where my next paycheck is going to come from, if it comes at all, to watch so many others sucking at the government teat. And doing so repeatedly over the years.  As my father so wisely said 'You can't piss up my back and tell me it's raining.'

Ope Vs Pope

Wow. They banned Opie. That'll teach the boy from Mayberry to mess with the Vatican. Apparently Vatican and church authorities were so pissed with Ron Howard's depiction of their organization in 'The Da Vinci Code' that when Ron went back to them to shoot some locations for the sequel...he got the holy bums rush. No dice Opie. Guess I can't blame them...nobody likes to have their skirt lifted in front of the whole world. Still, this is Opie we're talking about. Opie versus Popie. Interesting. I wonder what kind of results you'd get if you ran a worldwide public opinion poll on who was more popular. That's a tough one. Does the Pope fish? Well one thing's for sure...Aunt Bee is rolling in her grave.

One hullavah Mullah...

Sometmes I think the Taliban really get a bad rap. I mean look at this photo of Taliban leader Mullah Omar. Is that not the face of a sensitive, intelligent...dare I say, sexy man? Even this admittedly grainy black and white photo tells us so much of the man, and, by inference the many thousands like him that he leads. A reader of book, a gud spellar, and probably a very forward thinking individual. No doubt a gentle kisser and a real ladies man...provided she is circumcised and properly covered of course, but what gentleman of the world doesn't prefer his women in that fashion? No, I think we've got these fellas all wrong. Pictures don't lie after all. This is no monster. Golly no. This is a carefree, devil may care, prankster. I mean just look at those laugh lines. I'll bet just five minutes with this knuckle-head and most of us would be in stitches. "Did you hear the one about the School girls and the acid?" Gosh, I could go on. So please, let's all cut these big lugs a little more slack. Remember Taliban backwards is Nabilat!