Wednesday with Andrea

By Andrea McCall

At what point does a family member stop helping another family member, or do they?

My friend, Janice, is struggling with this question. Her husband, Chad, has a brother who has, unfortunately, become addicted to drugs. He has been a addict for about fifteen years, and in that time, has caused his brother much grief. Multiple times, he has been pulled over by the police for numerous infractions and given his brother's name, since he didn't have his ID on him.  It has then been Chad's responsibility to go to the police station and prove that it wasn't him that was stopped.  Chad's brother has also has stolen his wallet and used his credit cards, used his identification to rent movies and not return them, and so on, and so on, and so on.

Obviously, their relationship has become almost non-existent over the years.   few weeks ago, Chad and Janice started some major renovations on their home.  ut of the blue, Chad's brother showed up, hungry, guant, and willing to work. He said that he had stopped using and needed a little help to get back on his feet.  He previously had worked in construction and was willing to do the taping and mudding of the drywall that they were putting up. Chad struggled with the decision, but decided that he would try, again, to help his brother. His brother did show up and attempt to do the required job.
 
He would arrive, sometimes high, always hungry. The final result was completely disappointing and now he has disappeared again. Now Chad and Janice have to take down the taping and mudding and redo it which has now put them about two weeks behind in the project.

Chad is now very angry. He is angry at his brother for doing a bad job. He is angry that he let his brother talk him into working. He is angry that his brother disappointed him. He is angry that the drugs have taken away the person he knew and loved so many years ago.

At what point do you have to stop giving someone you love a second, third, hundredth chance?  We all want to see our loved ones succeed, overcome huge obstacles, make their life better. And if there is something we can do to contribute to that, we want to do it.  But at what point do we become gun-shy and say no. It is easy for us to judge from the outside, but our responses sometimes change when a situation is actually happening to us.

Janice wrote the e-mail, explaining the situation and how upset they were. My response was to praise them for giving him another chance and for being wonderful role models for their children. Their teenage sons saw forgiveness, compassion, the effects of drugs on a person and all the people around them, and how to overcome a difficult situation. 

I don't know what they will do for Chad's brother the next time they actually see him. I wish them all, all the best.

Comments

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That's a sad story, Andrea, except that your response to the lessons learned by your friend's son is redemptive.