Wednesdays with Andrea

It has been almost two and a half years since I became a widow and almost immediately I became sensitive about this subject. Initially I thought that it was just because I was grieving, but time has passed and I still feel very uncomfortable when this subject comes up. 
 
When I meet new people, male or female, and they realize that I am single, there is this inner compulsion to somehow let them know that I am a widow, not separated or divorced. I don't really want to come right out and tell them, because then they feel bad and I really don't want them to feel that way at all. I just want them to know that there was no choice in the situation I am in now and that I didn't have a bad experience with marriage. My husband wasn't perfect and we definitely weren't the trophy couple, but I truly believe that what we had was almost as good as it gets.
 
I have multiple friends who are in the midst of break ups at the moment, for multiple reasons. I commend them for making decisions and moving forward with them. It is a sad, sad situation, but life is short and we have to make the best of what we have. I often wonder if my husband was still here, if we would be in the same situation, and that maybe, somehow we were blessed to have ended on a good note.
 
My friend, Karen, gets a chuckle when we are out together and I am talking to someone who doesn't know me. If she hears the conversation going to the married/single part, she always says, "You just have to tell them, don't you. I heard you drawing them in."
 
Whether it is a way of proving that my choice was taken from me or a way of continuing to work through the grief or a subconscious search for someone who has gone through a similar experience, the compulsion lives on. I really don't know if people see me any different because of it, but we all do the best with what we have at that moment in time.
 
"Always make new mistakes." Esther Dyson

Comments

[Glennis]

I think we keep in touch quite well and yet I always find that I learn more or appreciate things more after reading your rants.
Great job

[Andrea McCall]

And you too, Val!

[Andrea McCall]

Thanks Holly - I appreciate the support!

[Valerie]

Nice post, Andrea.

[Holly Allen]

I ALWAYS ENJOY YOUR RANTS ANDREA! KNOWING YOU PERSONALLY, I REALLY RESPECT YOUR OPINIONS AND LOGIC IN LIFE.WE ARE HANDED WHAT WE CAN HANDLE. AND YOU DO A FINE JOB OF IT. YOU HELP MORE PEOPLE THAN YOU REALIZE