Pressing Buttons

Time, Time, Time, time, time.......

If the combined accuracy of Kotaku and Neogaf are to be trusted (as well as the official press release), then Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: Echoes of Time is releasing on March 24, a mere month and one day after my birthday. Spooky. I'd say it was intentional.

I guess I should go on, state some opinions and whatnot. Can't let this become a schilling for a Square-Enix game, they get enough of that elsewhere.

It's hard for people to understand one's love for the original Crystal Chronicles. The majority of people never even got to play it. Others hated Square for putting the series on a console unfamiliar to them (a feeling which continues to this very day). And many of those that actually played it only got through it by themselves, an experience envied only for its thorough Moogle painting abilities.

And in that tiny majority over there is me and three of my closest pals. We played Crystal Chronicles the way it was intended; a Gamecube, four Gameboy Advances, four link cables, and some fool who could always be conned into carrying the bucket.

That was true co-operative gameplay, not the fake junk we see today. Anything that attempts pure co-op quickly dissolves into who can score the most kills. "For the team of course," they affirm.

You could get smoked so easily in Crystal Chronicles if you didn't reach over and smack the fool buried in a pile of Dorito bags for neglecting his duties.

"Your the Yukes, dude," I would shout, "Man up and act like one."

And back then, saying that made perfect sense.

So you can understand my delight in Echoes of Time. I skipped out on Ring of Fates because it skipped out on online play. Being an adult now and not really having the time to suit up and cast evil aside from the luxory of my friends couch as much as I used to, online play would be perfect for me. Sadly, it was sucked out like the delicious dust from a Pixie Stick.

Despite being the exact same game, I'm pretty set on picking up the Wii version (if you hadn't heard, this is basically a DS game that has also been directly ported to the Wii, with absolutely no extra pizazz added to the latter version). I pretty much do all my online gaming at home, and barring any technical issues (the Wii versions two screens in one approach being terrible, for example), it's just easier for me to go with the Wii. My area isn't really a hotspot for wireless....hotspots, so I'm better off going with my tiny white wonder.

I'm not sure if it'll hold up to the original (and without the need to hold the safe-zone bucket, I don't think it can), but I think it'll turn out well enough. Now that's a ringing endoresment. Leave a comment if you want it for the boxart Square-Enix.

The 2008 Dubies: Awards for the Dubious (Updated with yet another)

You're not able to swing a cat around your head without hitting someone's award ceremony for 2008. Even without trying I'm tripping over some goof's Game of the Year recepient. So, hopefully you're sick of it too, or else I've just wasted a lot of time trying to impress you. It'll be like high school all over again.

But don't think I'm not doling out something to the greatest and lamest of 2008. Instead I'm going to hand out the unexpected. The bizarre. The unwanted. For example, this year's winner of the "2008 release that slipped into 2009 that I didn't care for anyways" award is Prototype. Radical is one of those developers with so many different internal teams, you never know what to expect from them. But honestly, The Incredible Hulk: Ultimate Destruction was released nearly four years ago, and I supposed to forget the mediocrity of the filler between then and now? Oh, and Sucker Punch's Infamous doesn't help matters either.

So, without further adieu, I present to you the dubious awards of 2008.

Irony is a tricky thing. First off, you're afraid to ever deem something ironic, lest someone challenge your proposal and make you look like a foolish fool. And then sometimes when your pointing finger of irony is quiestioned, you can then pull back and say that you intended it to be that way which in turn is ironic itself...or something. Regardless of all that, Grasshopper Manufacture's No More Heroes is bestowed my "Ironic Release of 2008". Killer 7 was a game that you very well may have hated. Despised. Farted on. Or, on the other hand, you may have liked it. Either way, there's no arguing that the game was quite linear. Perhaps you enjoyed this world so much that you just wanted a little more freedom. Well, Goichi Suda and his team heeded the call and made No More Heroes, an open world game ala Grand Theft Auto. What made this game so ironic is that now that freedom had been provided, there was next to nothing to do in it. While each and every hallway of Killer 7 bled style and substance, NMH's fictional city of Santa Destroy bored you and its citizens to tears. Not even a roaring motor bike could break these people from their routines. The masses wanted more freedom, and they got it, sans any sort of reason to genuinely enjoy it.

 

I'm not sure what goes into the logo designing process, but I have to say that I rarely have any sort of reaction to one. It's become general procedure to sit through several non-skippable logos when I boot up a game, but these several seconds is far from torture. Unless of course it's Burnout Paradise, because then I have to take a gander at this piece of work.

I wish I could tell you that I blurred out that image for your sake. But the truth is, that's all I could come up with, and as such, they're picking up "Possibly the worst logo ever" trophy tomorrow night. Seems that Criterion is trying to bury this monstrosity in the annals of time. But the internet never forgets my forgeign friends! I guess I'm just not understanding the dog angle. I like dogs, but ugly dogs I'm not much of a fan of. Chin up though, maybe they'll come up with something more bland but doesn't make me cringe. Oh wait, they already have!

Everyone knows that there's some nefarious publishers out there that will try to trick Auntie M. and Grandma Z. into buying their game over what you really wanted. Like on your birthday you opened up The Tales of Zander: Minora's Flask instead of what you asked for. But what Activision and THQ did, well, that's something else entirely, and that's why they both get the "No one cares about which Baja game is which" award. THQ released their Baja game before Activision released their version of Venezuela's favourite pastime, but two company's making Baja games isn't the shocking detail. No, it was the fact that both games had very similar boxart. Look and recoil in horror.

Holy hot garbage! Which one do I buy? I'm so lost.The headlights certainly do look brighter on Baja: Edge of Control, then again, there's an animal skull (possibly skulls) in Baja 1000. Maybe I'll just buy a good game instead, say, Motorstorm: Pacific Rift or Pure. I don't really have the time to sort out which of this two dusty racers is worth my time.

(The aforementioned update)

The cases our games come in don't go through enough scrutiny if you ask me. Let me say that my favourite case of the year has to go to the PS3's miniatures. They're just so distinct that I can't help by prefer them. The Wii's are alright, but as I've learned, stay away from white electronics. Anything that I have contact with that has to do with my Wii has become discoloured. Hand-sweat stains them an odd colour of yellow.

But, the Nintendo DS cases stand out as the absolute worst.

They have this cocky attitude, making it almost impossible to open them up and actually enjoy what's inside. I've nearly cut my throat trying to pry these beasts open. What makes it so hard? It feels as if Spider-Man had his mitts all over them before they were shipped out. Maybe Nintendo needs to focus test this junk.