Pressing Buttons

Ohh, me so phony

I'm likely the biggest fake-fan of Mega Man you'll ever come across.

I mean, I do really like him, but not for the expected reasons. You know, namely his games.

Nah, I'm a fan of his celebrity status. I think it's interesting how some characters persevere throughout the ages. Mario is an obvious example, while Mega Man is a freak-deeky example. Mario games at least are consistant in their quality, without digging too far into his sordid PC game past, they're generally pretty baaaadddddddddd (said in an awesome way). But no one seems to even like MM's games anymore, his hardcorest fans may own all three copies of the latest Battle Nexus game, but they sure aren't enjoying them.

If I could provide a more believable reason to explain my adoration, it'd have to be the series's art. It's beautiful, and a really great example of awesome-sauce or whatever those 15-year-olds dinkin' around in Call of Duty 4 say. Dinks.

There's something to say about a cast largely comprised of cyborgs that remains so unique. I hope no one ever runs out of ways for one dude to shooter some painful light at another dude.

So when I see a product like this, I can't help but say "Yeah, I'd drink that. I don't know jack all about his games, but I'll drink whatever he's schilling."

Pixel art is so cool, and when that pixel is holding something real, I has to haves it. While I drank it, people around me would say "Whoa, an energy tank, cool. Remember that one in the tree in Mega Man 2?" And I'd nod my head, telling him yes while my mind races to answer any possible follow-up questions. "Funny," he'd say, "there's wasn't any trees in Mega Man 2!" Crap. What do I do? I do what Mega Man would do, dish out some heat.

I don't have a cannon arm though, so I just took my deserved pummeling.

So don't be like me, like a game based on its merits, not it's promo art.

Downloading...Installing...Updating...

I got a new harddrive for my PS3 not too long ago, and I'm just now diving head first into the murky waters of reinstallment.

When my 40 gigger began running low on open space (I was left with 9 gigs, and with Ratchet and Clank Future: Quest for Booty comprising of 2GB itself, I knew I was in trouble), I decided to man up and mod my system. Of course, this was a legal mod that didn't void my warranty so I couldn't have been any more fake-brave.

Before you make the ol' switch-a-roonie-doonie (this is officially my Rachel Ray post), it's recommended you back-up your info, which is basically saves and downloaded games. I did so, quite easily in fact. Although by the amount of sweat my t-shirt began to collect, you'd think otherwise. I get nervous about this kind of stuff, the last thing I need is a bricked system. That and an ulcer.

So now I'm going through the joys of putting in a game disc and having it first install itself to my harddrive, then find an update, download that update, and then install that update. Time of my life.

I'm just about done, though, I've saved the best for last. Devil May Cry 4's 20+ minute installation time will be mine to enjoy. I'll possibly boot the entire family out of the house, just in case they try to sneak a peak and the game's spellbounding installation process.

Now if you'll excuse me, Warhawk has to update itself for a while. Thank you.

Too many chefs make the soup...awesome?

So when Sega teamed up with PlatinumGames, I thought "Wow, that's unusual. Unusually spectacular."

I think that thought somehow got around, and a lot of publishers got really jealous.

EA in particular became Mr. Jelly Jealouson, thinking to itself, "Sega dominating Tyler's thoughts? Not while I'm around!"

So then they go and announce the wackest combination of people and developers known to men. Like a tag-team thrown together to save the earth from sanity, Suda51 (Killer 7, No More Heroes), Shinji Mikami (Resident Evil 4, God Hand), and Q Entertainment (Meteos, Lumines) have been entrusted by EA to develop what will surely be known as the weirdest game ever. You hear that Cho Aniki? Watch your ass!

Suda51 has said that it'll be a dark and scary game, and for one half of this love square, pulling that off shouldn't be a problem. Both Grasshopper Manufacture and Shinji Mikami are more than capable of pulling off "scary", and I imagine Q Entertainment can set those heebie-jeebies to some killer tunes.

Game|Life looks to be the place to be in regards to this announcement, as Chris Kohler will be interviewing Goichi Suda later on today. If I actually looked into things further, I should have seen something concerning Suda51 coming. On a couple of the recent 1Up podcasts, Jeremy Parish mentioned that while in Japan for that Square conference a little while back, he interviewed the Suda. Interviews are typically performed when there's something to talk about, and while I'm sure Suda is chock full of stories otherwise, generally the questions are game related.

It sounds like Shinji Mikami is pretty busy too, since he's also working on a game with PlatinumGames, but that's more than likely coming from his own studio. This one's all Grasshopper's.

I don't think I could be any more excited. Especially since this is coming for all major systems; PS3, 360, Wii and PC. Talk about sharing the wealth.

I look forward most to the games aesthetic. Suda's games have always been pretty minimalistic in that regard, so with the power of these new systems, and EA's financial backing (No More Heroes was obviously not the most money-infused title), it'll be fun to see which route he takes. He seems to have a good idea of how games should fit on the Wii, so it's tough to pin down which version would be best to get. I'm sure I'll hear enough from all sides.

If my words aren't enough, how about some voice?

I don't think I've ever made it clear, but I work for a site called Oranjive. If you remember, I did write for Platformers.net, but the editorial staff and I moved on to create Oranjive.

You can catch my work over there, too, but I'll continue to have posts exclusive to here. But I will also have a lot of work that's not written exclusive over there. So if you can stand me, you can bounce back and forth between the two.

You can catch me on Oranjive Radio, which is our podcast. I'm not on every podcast, but I'm with a really good crew so it's always really fun. You can download the latest episode here, and see the full list here.

Something else that I work on is the VGdaily. Basically it's my reactions to certain news pieces of the day. It's not always the hugest bit of news though. I may not talk at all about Final Fantasy XIV's announcement, but instead I may comment on a Will Wright interview. It's whatever interests me most. It's still a bit newsy, but it's also kind of a podcast-lite. You can listen to it on our front page with the embedded player, or just download it here.

So yeah, keep an out out. Later tonight or tomorrow a Soul Calibur 4 review I did with one of my fellow writers will be going up, so I encourage you to check it out. I'm basically the fighting game nub, while Wes is the seasoned vet. You get two very different opinions, all for the price of one.

No Girls Allowed

In a music video banned by North American television stations, Madonna posed the question, do you know what it feels like for a girl? I wish someone else could have posed the question, but lets make some lemonade regardless.

I bring this song lyric to the table because it's an important question within the video games industry. More often than not, a female character within a game is just a well endowed caricature of the female body. We'd be lucky if they even have artificial intelligence, let alone a personality. But that's not my problem, because no matter how wide these developers have missed the mark, they at least include the female gender as a playable character.

What I wish to address is the over abundance of games that don't provide that option at all.

Now, I don't expect every title to include this option. Much like a novel or a film, someone created this character with a gender in mind. Whether you consider video games as art or not, they are still someone's creation. A game like Grand Theft Auto IV tells the story of Nico, a male immigrant who wants nothing more than to achieve the American Dream. You can't swap that player model with a womans and call it a day. It's not a matter of “Well, people would react to a woman differently than they would a man,” which is really nothing more than a poor excuse. It's the fact that this is a story, and it was written to be told this way. And I think both men and women understand that.

Where I think the confusion comes in is when the option is there, but no one acts on it. Late last year, EA published Skate, an interesting entry into a genre dominated by the Tony Hawk series. The player's character was fully customizable, well almost. In an interview with Joystiq's Jared Rea, one of the developers of Skate glossed over the hard to swallow news, “Needless to say, the user will have lots of freedom to create their ideal skate...as long as their ideal skater is male. Sorry ladies, we're going to hold off on female create-a-character for now. There's plenty of gameplay there to keep everyone busy though.” The responses to this story displayed the need to take this decision far more seriously. More than four months later, it was apparent that this wasn't just any other issue. In an interview with Patrick Klepek at 1Up, EA Blackbox was questioned about the lack of females in Skate, and again excuses were rattled off. According to a study by the Entertainment Software Association, female gamers make up 38 per cent of the market, which is hardly a segment to ignore. It looks like EA Blackbox won't make the same mistake with Skate 2, but it doesn't diminish the fact that it occurred the first time around.

While Skate claimed that providing a female model for the game would have tacked on production costs that would have affected its release, one other game isn't getting away so easily. Far Cry 2 plays host to twelve characters, nine of which are playable. You have one guess as to what genitalia those nine characters are packing. The reasoning why the three female characters aren't playable is laughable. Kotaku's Brian Crecente was told that if those three women became playable, a lot of the game's dialog would have to be changed and recorded once again. Here's the problem, the story seems to be so basic that it can support you playing through the game as nine different characters, yet it can't handle a woman as the lead character? It's ridiculous that the dialog is that interchangeable amongst such a large cast, and it would be impossible for a female lead. I'm not sure whether this is laziness or ignorance. I can't help but think that each of these three female's falls for your character at some point, and that's where the problem would occur. That's definitely an area that game's need to change. If all we can put out is supporting characters that fall for the male lead, the industry needs a large injection of the get-reals. One may think it may sound odd for a male character to talk with a female character with the same dialog typically reserved for a fellow man, but it's actual not. Why couldn't a woman have that same respect shown to her? In a war zone like Far Cry 2's, I doubt the male cast will have any trouble getting their minds out of the gutter.

While not as unholy as excluding the gender altogether, Metal Gear Online may have committed an act just as awful. While MGO launched alongside Metal Gear Solid 4 on June 12, 2008, it wasn't until July 17 that the option to play as a woman in MGO became available. “So what the hell is your problem,” you ask, “everyone got what they wanted. Don't be such a wiener.” Well, the problem is that this ability costs the user $11.99 U.S. to purchase the expansion pack that unlocks the ability to create a female character. Oh, and unless you want to either delete your current character or buy a slot for a new one, you can't really take advantage of it. This came to me as a shock though, isn't this from a series that has always had a large cast of women? Wouldn't it have come naturally to the developers to include this detail? Or even, dare I say, give it away for free? There's no reason why someone should be charged for this. I'm sure Konami will inform us that the male set of characters could actually be post-op transsexuals if we'd like. Not gonna fly, guys.

This may sound all doom and gloom, but there is always something we can do to prevent it history from repeating itself. I think there needs to be a greater outpour of encouragement from male gamers. You may not feel that it directly impacts you, but as gamers we should want what we play to be as enjoyable as possible for everyone. It seems cosmetic, but there's plenty of people unwilling to partake in a boys club, and limiting their character's gender is another indication of how “unwelcome” they are. While we may not have an impact on titles that are in-development, we can possibly improve future releases.

Wrapping up E3 tighter than a pita

onIt's not to say as if this year's batch of games were terrible, but it's pretty easy to decide what I did and didn't like from this years Electronic Entertainment Exposition. Pickings were slim this time around.

But before I get to that, how about one man's opinion on E3 proper, and not it's games?

I've always loved E3, it was like an alternative Christmas where I would be given presents that I couldn't enjoy just yet. You could almost say it's like being handed a new RC car, but that the batteries are coming six months later. And it's for this reason that I still love E3. I'd be spoiled to say that I don't enjoy the odd announcement sprinkled throughout the year, it's always fun to have that one piece of information that you tell everyone. Whether they care or not. But E3 was like the Pop Rocks of trade shows, it was a huge explosion of great tasting fun. I cannot, to this day, sleep well the night before it all goes down.

And I didn't think this year was any different. What I see as the problem is the realization in the industry that E3 just isn't relevant anymore. It's not quite like a pair of Crocs, but it has begun to wear out its welcome. Like everyone knows, if you aren't announcing Halo 3 or its (perhaps impossible) equivalent, you're not getting heard, and this year proved that. It all comes down to competing for headlines. Each of the big three had their sure-fire-hit games on display, but we all knew of upcoming titles that would garner much more acclaim. But instead we got stuck with much smaller bangs than we're accustomed to. And why not? It's probably better to pick out some random day of the year to reveal Peter Jackson's Halo game than it is to premiere it during the years most congested week.

So did E3 suck this year? No, but it was different. I'm not sure if we're witnessing the evolution, or the deconstruction of the event, but as it stands E3's future is as mysterious the quality of an upcoming Sonic game.

So now that our upper and lower teeth have sunken through the bread of this E3 wrap-up sandwich, lets get to the meat and vegetables. Oh, and if you'd rather hear someone else's take of what wined and dined them, make sure to listen to the July 22  Oranjive Radio podcast. People be saying stuff on it.

How about we start with my award for developer who wasn't allowed to showcase their upcoming wares, even though they were primed and ready to? While I know Nintendo had more cooking than they had let on, this prize has to land at Bungie's feet. They put a lot of effort into the announcement, those count-down clocks don't create themselves! And because of there relationship with Microsoft, there's absolutely no way they went rogue and planned this all by themselves. I'm not even the biggest fan of Halo and I was excited to see what they were gonna do. There was a count-down clock, how could I not be ecstatic? Those never end poorly! It was Bungie themselves that told the world how bad they was hurtin'. They trashed the toys in front of a webcam, and posted an apology letter to all those who synced their watches for the whole affair. They need a prize like this to boost their spirits.

So what's my game of the show? It's tough because I don't want everyone to say “Oh, he's just saying that because of the graphics. I hope he gets syphallis for saying such things!” Why would you wish that on me? It's just a game! The reason I'm genuinely looking forward to Killzone 2 so much is that it really gets the ol' testes going. A problem with showing snippets from Resistance 2 is that the atmosphere plays a key role, you have this familiar locations that have been devastated by these beasts that don't seem to stop. That can really get in your heard as you wander through a crumbling road in Chicago. What Killzone 2 does so well is throwing you into a war, and it looks to me to be the first successor to Call of Duty 4, a game where you really felt in the shit. And the animation! My god the animation is pure splendor that is wasted on me. There's been some hiccups in past showings, but this year Guerilla Games really knocked it out of the park. It may be a bit presumptuous, but I think Guerilla had loftier ideas than what was achievable on the PS2. I'm sure many would love to say that about all their maligned games, but I believe K2 is that unveiling of what they have to offer. Can't wait.

Did you know that a game called Yumi's Odd Odyssey was announced for the PSP? Well, I didn't either. So, it's only natural that I bestow it with “Game from E3 that I didn't hear about until the next week.” It's a bit much to fit on a trophy, so I guess Yumi will wind up with a crown instead. I remember playing the Japanese demo on my PSP a couple months ago, and I was pretty interested by it. It was like a bizarre take on Bionic Commando. Robo-Hitlers are pretty bizarre, but fish that want nothing more than to eat you and excrete out one of those long, bubbly poos is pretty nuts. What I like most is that every stage has multiple exists, with each exit leading to a different stage than the others. So instead of one difficult route, there's a lot of different paths, as such you'll rarely feel like you're going the wrong way or getting there improperly.

I'm nervous to pick a favourite non-playable game. If only because others will surely haunt me down the line, saying that I sold them up the river with bad recommendations. Listen, I really though Kakuto Chojin was going to turn around! How was I to know about those Muslim chants? I'm going to have to cut the trophy in half for these guys, because there's no way I could decide between MadWorld and Bayonetta. Whichever game refuses to have the trophy halved is the truly deserving mother. MadWorld wins me over because of its other-worldly understanding of the Wii. Platinum Games really understand what appeals to people, even without themselves knowing just what that is. I never thought I'd like a black and white game, especially one laced with red blood. I'd have to wonder why people would be ripping off Sin City of all things. But MadWorld does things its own way, so much so that I'll now claim it was invented before Frank Miller penciled his first page. That'll show em. As for Bayonetta, the concept art we've seen puts the game in a more serious light than it really is. From the impressions I've read, it'd be like Ninja Gaiden if Team Ninja realized how god awful their enemies looked and purposely made fun of that fact. In short, Bayonetta has a sense of humour. The game's protagonist, whom I'm willing to bet is Bayonetta, has the best kind of hair around. It wraps around her as clothing, and goes on the offensive if its host is under attack. This is on top of the already much discussed gun shoes, so she has quite a repertoire at her disposal.

For my final award (and I say this because I may be gutted shortly thereafter), I provide Fat Princess with the title of “The game everyone wanted to be that cult success of the show, but really doesn't deserve it.” Don't get me wrong, it looked fun. Not too many games can blend Animal Crossing with Team Fortress 2 so successfully. But, I'm not sure it can stand among the likes of Echochrome, the critical darling of last year's E3. The problem lies with a premise that doesn't seem all that unique to me. If I wanted a game of capture the flag with a unique visual styling, I'd cross over to Team Fortress 2. And beyond that, I don't think Fat Princess has that much going for it. Sure, you can beef up your imprisoned princess to make her rescue all the more difficult, but I don't really think this alters the CTF element all that much. I think the reason FP is seen as E3's saving grace is that aside from it, what other game really snuck out to surprise people? Flower was great, but everyone knew it was coming. Rhythm Heaven was fantastic, but it too is a sequel to a game North American gaming journalists already blew their minds over. E3 2008 was starved for that cult game, but I don't think we had to settle on Fat Princess. It's just not that unique.

And with that, I bid adieu to E3. Hopefully this isn't the last time I get to pan games that I haven't touched and base my opinion entirely on reports from a third party.

Blast Workin' for the man every night and day

After all that talk about "Oh my GAWD I can't wait for Blast Works it looks so cool, blah, blah, blah listen to me" stuff I wrote a little while back, you'll be happy to know that yes, I am a man of my word. I will not drone on and on about a game without purchasing it, oh no. It's just not my style. I'll spend major cash monies for you guys.

So does it live up to the hype that I created?

"Yes I do, Tyler. Tell the people," Blast Works: Trade, Create, Destroy told me with an imposing voice.

So without any influence, I can tell you that yes it does live up to the hype.

But shooter/schmup fans be warned! I am not well aquainted with your ways. That bloody mess left beside an old and dusty Space Invaders cabinet is indeed I, as even the lowliest of shooters render me useless. I just don't have that twitch-ness required. So when I say Blast Works is good, don't go thinking I'm comparing it to Ikaruga or Radiant Silvergun, because I'm can't. This is coming from some naive gamer who took a chance on a small game...and fell in love.

I think what makes it not so hardcore is the fact that you don't dodge bullets so much as you fill the screen up with parts you connected to your ship and destroy anyone who dares to oppose your titanic craft of doom. There's been times where I've coasted through a stage because the massive ship takes down enemies before I can even see them. But this does have its downside too. With the screen as cluttered as it is, you may lose track of your ship amongst the mess. Also being drowned out is the red enemy fire as it barrels toward you. You can choose to "hide" your ship within your primary one when things get heavy, but this is done by holding a button down. I would have much rathered a simple tap to bring your junk yard of parts in and push it back out.

One thing that needs to be made clear is that you're not being shipped a blank disc where you create your own adventure. There is a full single-player mode on board, which I believe is about six campaigns long (with each campaign lasting three stages). And beyond that, you can unlock ful versions of other shooters developed by ABA Games (Blast Works is a fleshed out version of the company's TUMIKI Fighters, which is included as an unlockable. Beyond these campaigns is the levels thrown into the game as created stages, even though they maintan the polish found in the main game. These are the stages that boast the unique art styles found in some of the screens I posted in that earlier blog. It's not included as bullet points on the back of the box, but the game is definately hoot and a hollar.

What's really pleased me is the fact that I enjoy using the level and ship editor. The menu is kept very tidy, and while I may be doing one too many steps to paint a block, it still remains a very open feature. I can't believe the things I've seen at BlastWorksDepot.com. It's destiny for any game that allows customizable levels to eventually find itself creating Super Mario Bros. Level 1-1. As such, I downloaded it quicker than  you can say, "Damn, people love re-creating level 1-1."

So would I recommend it? I dunno, it is $40. That's not the easiest of prices to swallow, especially out there fighting against the Madden 07's and Ninety Nine Nights of the world. If nothing else, it's a sure fire rental. If you can remember, save your work in the game's creator features. I forgot and erased something I worked over an hour on. Perhaps I'm luckier having this abomination never seen. 

THIS JUST IN! Sony had a press conference! Up to the second updates!

I've never really listened to monsieur Tretton (otherwise known as the less beautiful sounding Jack Tretton) before. As the mouthpiece of the Playstation, I have seen him before. He had to deal with a lot of crap in the past, so I was well aquanted with his words as well. But I had never heard him talk.

And it's official. Tretton has the coolest voice around. It's like he came right out of the Departed, and into my heart. Ths guy could sell a PSP to Satoru Iwata.

But I digress.

Sony really kicked it in the butt this year. After sitting through my fair share of pie and bar graphs, I was shocked to see Sony doing it in-game with Little Big Planet. I literally had fun learning how many PS3's have been sold. Not only did we learn about how much money lines Sony exec's coffers, but we also learned that you can write on top of objects and the environment in LBP. INSANITY! It comes off snide, but that actually is a pretty cool feature. I found it funny how Sony highlighted LBP and Home, two big products that have been regurgitated for every major gaming event. Their appearance in the presentation was less emphasized than usual, and I imagine it's because of how long everyone's been waiting. They obviously can't keep us on our toes forever.

As excited as I am for Resistance 2, I thought the footage shown was less than stellar. The fight with the sky-scraping Leviathan didn't strike me as interesting as I thought it would have been. It still has a while to go, but it did seem very scripted. That is the direction a lot of first person shooters have been heading, but it looked like it repeated itself a bit much. I thought it wa great to have the player's character thrown about the city with such disregard by the monster, but shooting the beast in its mouth twice in a row just felt really canned. I guess I just expected more. But on the other hand, there's no way I could be so ignorant as to believe there won't be more, but upon first impression I thought other elements of the game served it better.

Another weakness of the overall presentation, and of video game promotion in general, was the number of CG trailers strewn about. It's funny because Nintendo got a lot of flack for not showing anything that related to their most welcomed franchises. Meanwhile, Sony got off easily with CG trailers of these types of games, with God of War 3 being the most glaring example. Were we to see Mario dust off his hat for another go at Bowser, I think people would have responded to Nintendo differently. Hell, 1Up.com had the GoW3 teaser its main news piece for a couple of days. Capping off the presentation was another lengthy teaser trailer, this one for MAG, the latest military shooter (albeit futuristic in a Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter kind of way) from Zipper Interactive (SOCOM and....SOCOM). They started off strong, with Tretton saying that it's even pushing the PS3 to its limits. "Sweet, this is totally Uncharted 2," I thought. Tretton punched it up even further noting that there's nothing else like it on the market. "Um, that could still be Uncharted 2. Maybe it uses 3D goggles now." One of the last details thrown out was that it was truly an evolution of online multiplayer. "Well, it is possible that Uncharted has a stellar multiplayer mode now..." Well, as it turned out, it wasn't Uncharted 2, and instead was Massive Action Game. You can probably smell my eyes rolling. I thought it was an odd choice to place at the tail end of the event, but I'm sure its got someone's motor going. Although, I doubt it's SOCOM fans, considering many felt Zipper went a little overboard with SOCOM 3. It introduced vehicles, and players felt a loss of danger and intimacy. And there's no denying that MAG looks like it's heavy on the vehicles. As well, it just seems to be arriving at an odd time. While it's scale is undeniable, there's already a lot of first party titles that play similarly to MAG. Resistance 2 features larger player counts divided into smaller groups, and Killzone 2 focuses on a class system similar to that of Team Fortress 2. And what about Warhawk, Sony's pride and joy? Or Socom: Confrontation (from Slant Six) for that matter? There's always room for more (look at the MMO market on PCs), but it just seems a little too familar.

What I walked away with (well, I really just closed the browser when all was said and done) that most impressed me most was Sony's approach to downloadble titles. Many of them are home grown, first-party affairs, and it shows. That's somthing that Microsoft's service lacks, and it's something Nintendo needs to address further. But not only is Sony fostering these game, they're also changing the way we think of downloadable games. Ratchet and Clank Future: Quest for Booty is the easiest example of this. Weighing in at only $15, Quest for Booty is a very afforable stand alone expansion. It's its own adventure, and it's even incorporating its own set of gimmicks to the gameplay. What really struck me was Tretton mentioning that it's the perfect way to introduce people to the series, as well as give Ratchet fans more of what they want. I'm also anticipating Fat Princess, which looks to be a violent version of capture the flag in the town that neighbours Animal Crossing. For me, there wasn't that one "Ohhh, what a novelty!" title at E3 this year, but Fat Princess comes close. For me, it almost appears to be something that the Behemoth (Alien Hominid, Castle Crashers) would come up with.

If you've skipped to the bottom, I'll give you your reward and summarize this mess. PS3 has a really great year ahead of it. Not only are their retail games looking good (and forcing me to track down used copies of its predecessors, ala Killzone 1), but their downloadable titles are heading in the right direction as well. This Sony company is one to watch this year.

Pressing Buttons EXCLUSIVE: Nintendo Press Conference reaction

That's right folks, you heard it here first. The following is my reaction to Nintendo's Electronic Entertainment Exposition press conference. Don't go thinking you can get content like this anywhere else. Why? Because everyone is afraid to spit it like I does.

So buckle in for a plate of troof, with a side of....emotions? I dunno. You guys have probably read a thousand and one impressions already. But hopefully with the extra day of cooling off I've taken, I can look at what went down more critically then some yokels off the cuff remarks on a forum.

As I've made clear with my purchases of both God Hand and Nintendogs, I'm some mutated form that resides between what we associate as a hardcore and casual gamer. Both terms have become indefinable, so it's a little confusing to create yet another, but it damn well has to happen. When Nintendo first through everyone for a loop at last year's conference (Wii Fit being the star of the show, Super Mario Galaxy left backstage bumming cigarettes), I didn't feel left out at all. Wii Fit realy became something I was looking forward to. And it's not like games such as Metroid Prime 3 and Super Mario Galaxy weren't discussed at all, they were. But the focus of the event became clear, Wii Fit was Nintendo's "big thing".

And now, more than ever, I realize what Nintendo's been doing with E3. As gamng's popularity rises within the mainstream and its press, E3 has become something that both the gaming and regular (?) journalists pay mind to. Wii Fit became the success it did because of that first big showing, where newspapers across the country spoke highly of Nintendo's latest "innovation". What I saw yesterday was Nintendo speaking to that audience. Nintendo wants Wii Music to become the next Wii Fit (and this time with no expensive peripheral thats manufacturing limits availability of the product), and they know they can use the media to achieve this.

I think I don't see the hardcore being abondoned because we know that there is forthcoming software the proves otherwise. As yesterday went on, while Reggie went on about how GTA for the DS and Animal Crossing: City Folk (which I care for deeply) were more than enough for the hardcore, Miyamoto appeared to be on damage control, insisting that we can expect a new Mario and Zelda game. While that may not be enough, I think the argument that that market segment has been left to their own devices is absurd. Just because Nintendo didn't show off Wario Land for Wii doesn't mean it doesn't exist. And the risk they're taking with Fatal Frame (and I do believe they will be releasing it here) speaks well of their commitment to their former bread and butter.

Am I frustrated with their output this year? Yes, but video games are a hobby. Next year may be a different story, I may be drowning in titles. I think teams like Retro Studios, Nintendo Tokyo, and Intelligent Systems are just all in very funny situations right now. Maybe what they have in development isn't in well enough order to show off. Hell, this year more than any is the year of CG trailers, something that Nintendo doesn't do much of. Would I have settled for a trailer that showed the Master Sword coming out of a pedestal once again? Sure, it's better than nothing. But really, I don't need that to reaffirm the fact that such a game is coming. I mean, both MAG and God of War 3 sound great, but I was less than impressed with their CG teasers.

As far as Wii MotionPlus goes, I'm excited by the possibilites. I think that the technology behind the Wii remote is fascinating, but obviously someone fel that they wanted to do more. It's always terrible to have to buy a peripheral to enjoy a new game, but it's unknown what else will be using this device. I think it's a little unfair to slam it for providing what the Wii remote should have in the first place. Their may be more to it than we understand, and Nintendo will gladly support the remote in its current state.

Sweeeeeeeeeeeeet WiiiiiiiiiMooooooooooooo-tion

This is bull plop.

I totally should have shared my E3 predictions with you. I totally called Nintendo releasing an expansion to the Wii remote. I mean, the signs were all there. Don't tell me you didn't see it coming. What? Did you sleep through the N64's RAM pack?

If you've decided to read past my rude remarks, here's where I'll open up to you and reveal that I indeed had no idea such a device was coming. In fact, I'm probably the worst at E3 predictions. I just hate sounding like a damned fool afterwards. If nothing else, I've learned that E3 is one of the most unpredictable events of the year. At least for Christmas I can go and look around my parents' closet. For E3, you have to come up with the craziest mixture of realistic predictions and insane, out of nowhere assumptions. For example, Wii Sports 2 and...Wii Bloodletting, a Miyamoto-helmed game that reads your blood sugar levels.

So, it's with great surprise that Nintendo announces something of the Wii Blood variety. It's a product called "Wii MotionPlus", one such device that will continues the trend of merging two words together that will cause confusion over it's true spelling (see: BioShock, Bio Shock, Bioshock). At this moment, not too much had been announced, other than the fact that it plugs into the bottom of the Wii remote, and that Nintendo felt it necesary to promote the sensation of "true 1:1 response in...game play."

So going off of what we know, we gamers should do what we do best. Do we A) Praise it to the heavens, or B) Condemn it to the depths of a hell lower than hell?

There is no option C.

How about we just sit this decision out. It's obvious that Nintendo has something in store for the device, and facing their previous failures and successes, they must be aware of the consequences of such a device. Which makes another question rise from its grave, what game will it premiere with? I'm hoping for a Wii Sports 2 pack-in, considering the first games success among both the hardcore, casual, and wherever I fall in. Otherwise, I'm unsure of the add-on's success. While I patiently await any turd Nintendo chooses to pass along, others tend to (intelligently) scrutinize far more than myself.

Nintendo's specific mention of 1:1 motion control is especially interesting. It's something fans have been clamouring for since it was made clear that the Wii could not do 1:1. Sadly, I do believe that games like The Force Unleashed and The Clone Wars are too far along in their development cycles to have had this feature planned all along, so no true light sabering for us.

Although, I'm glad Nintendo is allowing for the Wii remote to extend to yard-stick lengths with this add-on. The Wii MotionPlus reminds me of the remote's earlier days.

I can't wait to see how the whole thing looks with a nunchuk plugged in. It'll be like handling a cucumber.

Hopefully we'll know more when Tuesday arrives. Until then, let your mind run free. 

CoD: World at War sets the record ablaze

It's been over two years this current generation of video games began. And since then, I've been waiting patiently for that one feature that would set its games apart from every other.

Most of the ones experienced so far have simply been leftover efforts of the previous set of systems. Cel shading? Yesterday's news. Destructible environments? Paging Red Faction. Light bloom? Been done to death. Greasy sheen on our game's characters and surroundings? Okay, that's pretty new. But you're ruining my point.

But only a couple of days ago I was witness to the coming of this generation's standout achievement. I've had to take a couple days to think about it though. Have I just been looking for so long that anything could have made that impression? Was it merely a parlor trick that would never truly take off? Have I become a damned fool?

When I finally was able to sit down and answer no to all these questions and more, I knew that I had finally found it.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you...burning your friends and enemies alive!

It came from an unlikely place too. While plenty of games have allowed you to set afire those around you, no ones felt it as necessary to do so as Treyarch with Call of Duty: World at War. If they're putting moments where a foe is burning at the stake in a trailer no less than three times, it has to be something huge. I don't remember seeing it in trailers for GTAIV and Halo 3, and you know why? They knew they'd only be put to shame by someone who had a passion for accurately texturing blackening flesh.

That right there is dedication.

I bet they wanted to put it in Call of Duty 3 all along, but that eight month development cycle forced them to choose between this or mine-planting mini-games. I won't say they made the right decision, but it at least allowed them to show off CoD:WaW with a bang (or would that be a WHOOSH or something?).

In all honesty, I'm glad that Treyarch is getting the appropriate time needed to put out a proper CoD game. I know I've ragged on them before, and while I'm sure they never knew, they could easily find out how I truly felt about the initial rumours of them at the helm of CoD5. They'd probably be all "Hey, it's awesome that you're excited for World at War. Let's hang out!" And then, when my guard was down, they'd drop kick me of the bar stool I was sitting on. "We saw that horribly crafted fake-boxart you made for CoD3! That was super mean," they'd shout. So word to the wise, if you publicly disliked CoD3, do not go to a bar with Treyarch. I mean it. I might try to forget about the past if World at War turns out great, but I'm sure they'll never forget. They'll likely pull an Irrational Games and be all "Remember when we tried to talk to you, and you didn't care? Well who's not returning whose calls now! We're more popular than you could've dreamed!!" 

Perhaps the coolest 'borgs since Big Bad Beetleborgs

With the success Capcom has had with the Resident Evil Wii titles (RE4 and Umbrella Chronicles), there were a lot of expectations concerning what they'd put out next for the tiny, white machine.

Seeing as how Zack & Wiki didn't stop the world with its sales, perhaps this was a sign that Mature rated titles had a home on the Wii. Which is something many would deny.

So when Capcom's Wii exclusive Spyborgs was announced earlier this week, it's fair to say it was judged more so because of it's looks than it was for its gameplay. Which happens a lot, no matter the system. But the problem this time was too fold; it didn't look all that fantastic, and it was obviously a game that lacked that mature edge many expected.

And while I've mellowed out since its announcement, I was far from impressed when it was shown.  And while I'm the first to criticize those that emphasize style of substance, I proved to be quite the hypocrite that day. I couldn't have been more disappointed in a game for a system whose innards have existed (more or less) for over seven years. At this point in time, Spyborgs could look a good deal better.

And as the trailer shows, this is coming from Bionic Games, a new studio with talent who have worked at some big studios on some big games. Most notably is the studios Creative Director, Mike Stout. In fact, it seems that a lot of the staff are ex-Insomniac Games employees. And it is here that I regain faith.

The folks at Insomniac know how to make a system work. The Ratchet and Clank games were stunners on the PS2 (and continue to be on the PS3), and I expect nothing less out of this studio. And since Stout's background is working on action-platformers, I'd imagine he knows what he's doing. In fact, I see a little bit of Clank in the above robot's face.

But with that pedigree comes expectations. By announcing within the game's premiere video that the team is comprised of members who've worked on World of Warcraft, Tony Hawk, and Call of Duty, Bionic Games built their own little hype machine.

I'm hoping this is just a case of showing a title off far too early. Not just because of the visuals, it's also due to the fact that no one could go hands on with the title. And with a 2009 release date, I'm sure the game will come together nicely by then.

I like the angle of Spyborgs playing out like a Saturday morning cartoon series. Mini-game "commercials" is a pretty fun idea, and yet another example of Insomniac's ways shining through.

It's all going to come down to just why this game is a Wii exclusive. I need to see why it couldn't be done anywhere else. While I love the support the system's been receiving, popularity shouldn't be the only reason for a console exclusive. Luckily, Stout has his head on right. He's more than aware of just how congested the Wii's library has become. He says they won't use the Wii remote in poorly conceived ways! It's been heard before, but there's something about Stout's side part that just screams "I'm as honest as my hair."

Catch a Capcommunicable disease at Captivate 2008

Capcom's direction these past couple of years has been an interesting one. As one of the few developers who have an extensive catalog to choose from, they really haven't been relying on their old hits as much as we would expect. Honestly, this is Capcom we're talking about.

I'm not walking about blindly though. They did kick off 2008 with a sequel to Devil May Cry, and we have been "treated" to several variants of the Mega Man franchise. But it was interesting to see them welcome the Xbox 360 with two original games, both of were huge risks but large successes.

I'd argue that Capcom might even be one of the riskiest companies in the industry (not that they're infallible), but that's an argument to be made another day.

And when they did begin to release and announce sequels to their most popular of franchises, they still managed to keep things fresh.

Bionic Commando is an interesting project. While it does carry a lot of credibility with the hardcore crowd, it's so old a franchise that it has almost become a new IP. For a lot of people, this is Bionic Commando, there is no other. But what they're doing is (and this goes for Street Fighter as well) releasing it alongside a game that is more or less a sequel to that 8bit classic. Capcom is making some really interesting choices in doing this.

To the hardcore, Bionic Commando Rearmed is the true sequel, with the new BC existing as something outside that lineage. And to new gamers (and the mainstream), the new BC is the cat's meow. But interest for one will spill over to the other, and that's what I think is so genius. Instead taking a risk on a game geared towards the hardcore, their appeasing them with something else. As for the new BC, it's goal is to draw in both groups, much like Lost Planet and Dead Rising before it.

As mentioned, Capcom is taking the same approach with the two new Street Fighter titles, but it's success depends entirely on how Street Fighter 4 is received. The problem in this situation is that both games belong to a genre that isn't as popular as it once was. So it's possible that many will feel that Capcom is double dipping with SF4 and SF2 HD.

Not to say that I'm not a complete sucker for a genre that I haven't played since Street Fighter 2's original release. I can't even say that I'm burnt out on the series. All the Alpha's and various Strikes affixed to the titles didn't hinder my enjoyment, I just couldn't play them. An arcade was completely out of reach, and in the Dreamcast's hay days I was without one. I was a Nintendo 64 kid, so the best I had was Killer Instinct Gold and Fighter's Destiny 1 and 2 (don't worry, I never played either). So I'm attracted to both of these new titles.

All I gotta say is that Capcom really needs to have someone consult them in regards to the trailers they've been putting out for SF4. I love the messy painting trailers. I love the gameplay trailers. What I don't love is the horrible concoction Capcom's produced by combining the two. And having someone record the voice over through two plastics cups connected by string is a bad idea. I may be of the minority, but as much as I adore the look of the painted commercials, I'd rather them stick with the gameplay. SF4 is a gorgeous game, they shouldn't try to hide it behind footage that it looks nothing like. If you consider the tone of the painted CG, you'll see that it clashes with the cartoonish qualities of the above screenshot. I mean, look at the size of those hands and feet! It's amazing, and Capcom should give them the respect they deserve.

For as much as I anticipate the above, there is something I want even more.

World Peace!

And if it could be delivered on the back of Dark Void, all the better.

While I'm not experienced in the ways of Crimson Skies (Airtight Game's is composed of that game's key members), it doesn't matter. If I get to know this team by any one thing, I'm glad it can be this. I remember when it was first shown (which strangely reminded me of Beyond Good and Evil, an opinion I keep to myself), I instantly fell for it. Flight is something you don't find too often in games, and when it's tacked onto an adventure game? You might as well call it Tyler's Adventure.

I am a little disappointed in the direction the  designers went in regards to the protagonist. Real talk. It's not the end of the world, but damn, the way he looked before was on par with awesome. But now? He looks like one of those custom Spartans from Halo 3. It's funny because one of the developers said that the way he looked before was generic.

This has already gotten long enough, so I'll spare you my thoughts on Resident Evil 5 and Spyborgs.

FOR NOW!

HAHAHAHAHAHA.

The one where I tell you to read/watch someone else's work

If you're every sick of my sarcastic droning, feel free to point your browsers over to 1Up.com.

I know, I know. They hardly need my help. And there's possibly some of you who would consider them the "Big Oil" of the video games industry.

All I know is, they got some talent over there. While I'm not sure they can balance a spoon on there nose or hula-hoop five hula-hoops, they sure do know how to churn out a good product.

Have I ever whored out GFW Radio? If I have, consider this a reminder. If I haven't, then uhhhh...they're cool. Give your ears some candy, they've been through a lot for you. Those involved are simply the best, better than all the rest.

What really spurred on this love fest is not a healthy cashiers cheque made out to moi, but instead I was really impressed with their latest "1Up Show Special", called RSVP.

If you ever wanted to be mute and sit around a table with four of the coolest guys in the biz business, then nows your chance! Because the kind folks at Gamevideos.com put together a round table where Erik Wolpaw (writer of Psychonauts and most recently Portal), Dylan Cuthbert (president of Q-Games, best known for PixelJunk Monsters), Jonathan Mak (sole developer of Everyday Shooter) and Mark MacDonald (former writer for 1Up, most recently worked at Kojima Productions for MGS4) shoot the poo. Act now, before 1Up pulls a Microsoft and begins treating the internet as an overstocked cupboard.

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I think the easiest way to any Canadian's heart is to tell them how desirable they're country is. Mak does an excellent job, informing his three comrades that my government is more than happy to dole out for game development. And you don't even need to have in-game ads for the Conservative party.

And while Mak is cool and all, it was Wolpaw that really stole the show. When someone is so interesting and talented, you're just waiting for that arrogance to rear it's head. But it never shows up. It's left waiting outside while Wolpaw comes off quite modest, despite having a hand in Portal, one of the best games of last year. But honestly, he could have retired after Psychonauts. He should have opened a website called "Yeahiwrotepsychonauts.com", and lived off the money donated to him. I know he'd have a couple of my dollars.

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Mak, Cuthbert, and Wolpaw really open up about the development process, and something I never really expected to come out was how different the environment was that they each worked in. Mak works alone, Cuthbert works as the ringleader of a small team, and Wolpaw works for a large and highly successful company (who continue to impress me with features I'll never have access to). They kind of "go at it" regarding how they like to run things, and since Wolpaw comes off so well, I'll say he's the winner.

I give RSVP an 8/10. It contradicts the 10/10's it has received everywhere else, so I'm assured plenty of controversy and ire from the community (which equals more hits!).

Remember that essay that you wrote in high school? The one you poured your heart and soul into, that beautiful four-paged-document that would earn you a place on the honour roll?

And while I'm sure you're blocked it out by now, do you recall getting that essay back, it covered in negative comments and big question marks? Turns out your teacher wasn't ready for it yet. The world wasn't ready for it yet.

Now, just think of me as a fan of that essay. I loved it. For every scribbling Mrs. Hawksley damned it with, I praised your writing once more.

Would you ever, in your right mind, write a second part to that original essay? Would it even be worth it?

That was the case with Beyond Good & Evil. It was truly something else. It told an interesting story without bogging the player down with an unnecessary abundance of horribly acted cut-scenes and poorly done voice acting. And it wowed you visually without relying on a million different shaders.

But it sold worse than tickets to be burned alive.

But people like me just couldn't shut up about it. We had to go on and on about how good and it was, and not seeing its ending resolved would force us to jump 20 stories. We didn't go as crazy as others, but we made it clear that we wanted a Beyond Good & Evil 2.

And it looks like we're getting results, so maybe we applied just the right amount of crazy.

Based on that teaser, I can say that BG&E2 is easily my most anticipated game...after June 12.

While the game has moved towards away from the style found in the original, I'd be willing to say it has evolved. In the Xbox, Gamecube, and PS2 days, they went with a style that worked with the limitations of those systems. It could have went for a more realistic look, but maybe Michel Ancel and his crew at Ubisoft Montpellier felt that that batch of systems couldn't turn out the results they wanted. And now, with a stronger set of systems on their hands, they can achieve something that isn't realistic, but instead just brings these cartoonish characters to life.

Or maybe they just want people to wonder what life would be like if everyone has a pig for an uncle.

Regardless, I love the game's style, especially this idea of a future with a southern twang. I'd love to say "Just like Firefly!", but I have no knowledge of that show beyond it's existence. So, if I ever come across this space-western theme again, I'll be sure to say "Just like Beyond Good & Evil 2!"

Also, because the game is destined for the PS3 and 360, we can lay to rest our beliefs that this was the game's official boxart. It was so convincing too.

As for what I'd like out of a sequel to BG&E, I'd have to say more of what I love. Vague, I know. What most impressed me was seeing my actions reproduced in underground rebel newspaper, IRIS-flash. While I was heralded as a hero there, The Hillyan Word would damn me and my attempts at "terrorizing" Hillys and the Alpha Section. It's a little touch that helps create the feeling of living in a real world, and it's not something we've seen too much of (Grand Theft Auto IV is one of the few to attempt it).

I hope BG&E2 sees more success than its predecessor, but not because of Ubisoft's insistence that it will appeal to a much more casual crowd this time around. While it's a little odd to hear someone say that BG&E was a little too difficult, I have faith that Michel Ancel will strike a far better balance than his company's spokesperson would leave you to believe.

Without coming off as an insensitive jerk, I'm disappointed by some people's need to raise a stink about the most ridiculous of issues. What has set me off is the reactions of a minority (which is then presented to the majority as "news") towards Wii Fit.

As you've probably heard, Wii Fit isn't holding anything back when it comes to informing out world's youth how trim they may or may not be.

Let it be said here and now; it blows to be a kid who is told that they are overweight. If The Legend of Zelda called me a loser for beating it's third dungeon, I wouldn't have been too happy either.

But here's why it's bothering me so. The name of the game is Wii Fit. Right then and there you understand what you're getting into. Is it foolish to believe that a video game whose sole purpose is for you to play it would make attempts for you to do so? By no means is it going to say "Hey, you're doing pretty alright for yourself. You totally just blew $90, you don't need me at all. You are just plain fierce." Instead, the game is going to tell you that you need it. While it's arguable that it could do it better than labeling someone as obese or overweight, that's the way it's done. While I prefer children to not be offended, I do think an adult should step in and tell them that it's just a video game. A video game saying your fat is hardly something to get upset over. I've had game's call me the Hero of Time, I don't believe them for a second.

You play God of War to be, you guessed it, the god of war. So you shouldn't be at all surprised when you're told to press Square to rip out a man's pancreas. Wii Fit works the same way, you can't be shocked that it will never find you to be the ideal weight. You can always be more healthy it seems, and Wii Fit will make sure it plays a part in that. While I'm sure I'll soon drive my Wii Fit Age down from 26, I doubt the credits will roll and my Balance Board high fives me. It'll still call me chubby and tell me to play more.

Individuals just need to be more aware of the marketing and business side of games. Games need you, you don't need them. But Wii Fit's goal is to change that, and if it needs to call you overweight to do so, it has no qualms.

My back catalog is disgusting. While I don't have to bear the shame of unopened games collecting dust on my shelf, there are a few that I've spent a little over an hour with and haven't touched since.

It's not their fault, it's mine. How could my initial 45 minute round of Okami for the Wii be it's fault? It's frigging Okami.

So I've been making this foolhardy effort to play through my neglected ones. Things have been going okay, but being thrown into a game that is post-tutorial is hard for my forgetful mind. I've spent most of my time re-reading manuals just to get a grasp of things.

So what have I been playing? Let me show you...with words.

Let's start with what I've been able to lay to rest. First up is Uncharted. No, it's not some sort of new Uncharted, one that came out earlier this month. Sadly, it's the same Uncharted that I've had since Christmas. But as I've said before, I'm not too down with the scary part of a game. And based upon my reading of an EDGE magazine revew, I knew I was nearing such a part in the game. So I stood back for a bit, biding my time until I could face it once again. So I did. Last Tuesday to be exact, it was one of my braver days. And as I "tore" ass through it, I wound up beating it. So now I too can be that annoying friend and inform you that "I beat that," as I point to Uncharted's box sitting on the store's shelf. Loved the last bit of the game. If I were to rank the last boss fight, I'd say it was tepid. But hell, boss fights are ridiculous anyways. They should go the way of the dinosaur. Unless they're in a Metal Gear Solid game.

SEGUE!

I've talked about it before, but that post was more of a teaser than anything. So did I end up actually liking the Metal Gear games? Could I answer that more enthusiastically than with just a simple yes? How about I bold, italicize, underline, and make it red?

YES, I love Metal Gear!

The series is, for lack of a better phrase, something else. I'm just amazed at the details they hold within them. I'm sure I've thrown about how great the little details are in one game or another. But that was a lie! Yes, I was lying. I didn't mean to, but now that I've played through the majority of the Metal Gear Solid series, I realize just how wrong I was. A puff of smoke coming out of my hotboxed car in GTAIV is nothing compared to catching a cold if I stay outside too long in MGS2. The flash of light emitted by a gun's muzzle is paltry when stacked up next to an old man dying of old age when I haven't played MGS3 in a week (a real old man didn't die, I'm talking about one of the game's bosses, The End).

I've gotten through MGS1 (in Twin Snakes form, you can burn me after I've played through MGS4), MGS2, and I'm almost finished MGS3. Then it's on to MGS: Portable Ops. And I might get MGS: Ghost Babel off of Ebay, which I guess counts as my first MG experience considering I played it years and years ago.

To break up my Metal Gear Solid bender, I spend some time with Boom Blox, the game that people are finally talking about! I must admit that I too couldn't have cared less about Boom Blox when it was first announced. I think I even said some harsh things about Spielberg dreaming he could have had some of Miyamoto's excellence rub off on him when they met. But since I can't erase your mind of these rants, I have to admit that I couldn't have been more wrong. Boom Blox is the boss, applesauce. It is a showcase for the Wii, something it could use a lot more of. What's best about it is the variety. EA really took Journey's "Any way you want it" to heart, as Boom Blox provides me with everything one could need. Even though I praised Echochrome for being a puzzle game that didn't rely on blocks, I have to hand it to Boom Blox. Not since Meteos have I had such fun with my favourite of the four cornered shapes.

Another escape of mine that I take in quick doses is LostWinds and Defend Your Castle, both from Nintendo's WiiWare service. I used to think eating at a local gourmet hamburger place was the best use of $10, but LostWinds has changed that. It's as if Frontier looked at all those third companies complaining about Nintendo games killing their sales and said "You're just not doing it right." LostWinds takes what makes Nintendo games work and flaunts it as its own. It has a great sense of style, it manages to keep things simple and still surprise you with its beauty. And the controls are great, they really take advantage of the Wii remote, and if other developers aren't kicking themselves over it, they aren't looking hard enough. As for Defend Your Castle, I love how easily it is to just pick it up for five minutes and really feel like you've done something. Since each attack on your castle is so short lived, you can easily jump into it and know that you've progressed. It takes a interesting South Park approach to it's visuals and sound, everything is very crude and homemade. Bad guys are made of Pepsi caps, and explosions are nothing more than someone imitating a bomb going off. Great stuff.

As for games that I should really be spending more one on one time with, Ratchet and Clank Future and Okami come to mind. My time with them has been insanely sporadic, but not because they can't hold my attention. They're both amazing games, and I only wish the days were longer because of them. But once I wrap up my Metal Gear Tour de Force, I'll happily enjoy them a lot more.

What scares me most is how many more games are arriving in the next couple of weeks. Next week we've got Haze for PS3, and Blast Works for Wii. And who knows what PSN, XBLA, and WiiWare have in store (I know that Penny Arcade Adventures and Dr. Mario RX are likely contestants for my dollar). And MGS4 in early June? While it seems suitable to say it sucks to be me, it's actually quite the opposite.

Beware my friends.

As you travel up the winding path to the dark and dingy castle known as Gametrailers.com, make sure you pay close attention to the signs that lead the way.

I made the mistake of not, and I payed dearly.

"First look you say?

As art comes to life? Well, the game is cel-shaded, so I understand your double meaning! Very clever! What the hell am I looking at though? Someone's torso? Anyways, that's not important, sexy-hot Prince of Persia "Next Gen" footage awaits. I can't wait to see what the PS4 and Xbox 720 can do!"

And that's when I wasted one minute and 54 seconds of my life, hoping to see the next PoP in motion. Instead, I got to watch some guy draw what looked to be something out of the next Ninja Gaiden.

So there's the lesson, kids. Everything Gametrailers says is 100 per cent literal. When they say "Get a glimpse of the Prince as art comes to life!", they are actually saying you get to watch someone draw. When they say "World Exclusive footage of Resistance 2!", it means you get to watch a 2 minute video of titles, company logos, and a cinematic that won't be in the game.

And since my American buddies at Gametrailers have let me down, I'll have to crawl on over to France, where I'd be lucky if they spat on me, let alone provide my with PoP screenshots.

Luckily, my grade nine comprehension of French allowed me to stumble upon what I consider to be one of the most gorgeous games I've ever seen. Between this and Valkyria Chronicles, cel-shading has never looked better.

You can see a lot more over here, and if you can read French, you'll be way ahead of me. I really dislike scanning magazines, but it's French and sold in France, so honestly, I could never buy it anyways.

I've never been a huge fan of Grand Theft Auto.

I wish I could give you entertaining reasons. If only it was because I was opposed to "strong sexual content", or that "partial nudity" really gets under my skin. I want to tell you that "strong launguage" gets on my last nerve, but I'm actually quite happy dropping an F or S bomb here or there.

I don't like Grand Theft Auto because I get overwhelmed. I don't freeze up and weep or anything when I have the choice of three different missions to tackle, but I hate all those opportunities. I like having a set path, straight and narrow. But GTA (and other "sand-box" games) makes my head spin. What do you mean I have to choose if a man lives or dies? What are the outcomes? You can't tell me?! But what if I make the wrong decision? Etcetera, etcetera.

I'm happy to report (in fact, I'm lucky to report, as I'm nearly $100 poorer), that Grand Theft Auto 4 is my cup of tea. It's the perfect blend of orange pekoe, three sugars, and two milks.

What made all the difference is how accessible everything has become. It's almost as if they Wii-ized the game. But that's not to say Miyamoto upended any tea tables, the game doesn't run the risk of being more casual that past iterations. Instead, I found the game to flow really well. What really made my heart sing was the ability to set waypoints on the map! WOW! Screw everything else, this really should have been a bullet point on the back of the box. It just makes traversing the city so much easier. Instead of fumbling around back alleys and generally getting myself into trouble, I can go to my map and choose where I'd like to go. From here I just follow my mini-map to the destination and voila! I'm at Burger Shot. While it seems like such a minor (possibly lame) detail, it really allows me to focus on the task at hand.

Speaking of lame features no one probably cares about, you can now turn off the story mode of the game and paint the town red! I found that early on I was getting bombarded by phone calls. "Niko do this," and "Niko wipe my bum," it was really starting to interfere with what I was trying to do. I could be on my way to pick up some ammo or food, and I get a text message from Little Jacob, an acquaintance of mine who dabbles in gun laundering. He wanted to go play darts, but I had other things to do, so I said no. Well guess what? Buddy gives me a thumbs down and our former level of tightness goes down a notch. Not cool. So now you can turn off such favours and explore.

So now that I've listed the lamest reasons ever for loving GTAIV, maybe it's time for reasons that are actually interesting.

For one, Rockstar North must have kept all their voice actors imprisoned in a state of the art dungeon. While I hope they weren't subjected to medieval era torture, it's hard to believe they weren't when they have to act out such a gross amount of dialogue. While it's pretty much known that every mission has its fair share of spoken word, it's crazy that upon repeated attempts that different dialogue replaces it. And it's not just minor stuff either. You can have completely different conversations, while still revolving around the same subject. And if you fail a mission enough (which I have), eventually your partner will tell you he's bored and that we should "just listen to some music." Even the pedestrians can't shut up. I stood and listened to a street preacher for several minutes, and not once did he loop back to the start. What pushes Rockstar North to go to such lengths? Does Take-Two make their families wear bomb collars or something?

What GTAIV really goes to bat for is the importance of style in a video game. In a lot of areas GTAIV doesn't compete with the best of it's big budget peers. In terms of visuals, it can't go toe to toe with something like Uncharted. But there's just something about it that strikes a perfect balance between cartoon and reality. All of its characters are so creatively brought to life. No one person fits the role of any archetype, even our protagonist, Niko, is not without his flaws. When he tries on clothes you can see the belly he has, and it even seems like he's conscious of it as well when he runs his hand over it. All of the game's characters are so unattractive that they become alluring. It's how people actually are. While it may not pack the effect and technical wizardry of something like Gears of War, in terms of little details it can't be beat. Without spoiling anything, your cell phone behaves just as a cell phone should, and a TV works just as it would in the real world. It's just chock-full of the tiniest details, but they make all the difference.

Oh, and on a final note, being drunk in the game sucks. Whenever a friends wants to go out drinking, I curse them under my breath. I'm hoping I stumble upon something that cures my impairment, because you're practically uncontrollable for quite some time when drunk. All this talk about driving while under the influence is crazy, I can't imagine anyone wanting to attempt it. The way the screen bobs and weaves is incredibly disorienting, although, Niko and co. do look amazing as they stumble around. But in my stupors I have bumped into the wrong people, and drunk fights are not where it's at.

 

The lord giveth, and the lord can taketh away. It's a dramatic way to make a point, but it is true. It's like when your parents remind you that since they brought you into this world, they could also take you out of it. They're completely capable. And if you keep spending "all this money on goddamn video games", they're likely willing as well.

And yesterday I found myself being given a great bit of news. Infinity Ward was rumoured to have obtained sole custody of the Call of Duty franchise. Despite the fact that I was required to ingest this news with a grain or two of salt, I felt that it was entirely believable. Who would ever want to be in Infinity Ward's position? Imagine creating the Oreo. People love it, and it proves to be a popular cookie. But then Mr. Christie is all, "While you work on a new cookie, we're going to have this other chef make the Oreo." So here you are, working hard to make the next great cookie. The Oreo made you a star, and you want to continue to do it justice. But this other chef, he's a bit of a loser. He never quite nails the recipe, and wants to add his own ingredients. Next thing you now, you have Oreos on the shelf that have a damn olive in them. So, you release your new Oreo, and people love you all over again. All you did was make a more attractive Oreo, you didn't mess with the formula like the other guy because that's what the people want. Oreo's with a pink filling.

And that's how things have been for Infinity Ward. After creating Call of Duty 1 and 2, they wanted to take their time to craft the next installment. But Activision, who didn't have World of Warcraft lining their coffers at the time, wanted more. But Infinity Ward put their foot down and was all "Nuh uh! We sick of World War 2, get it outta our fayce!" So Activision gave Treyarch the keys to the Call of Duty franchise. And they did nothing but give it back to Infinity Ward in horrible shape.

Could you imagine having to rebuild a franchise with each and every attempt?  With the sales and acclaim Call of Duty 4 has rightfully accrued,  it's obvious that the developers know what they're doing. But what it also means is that Call of Duty is the new hotness, and that it's obvious that a pair of soiled pants bearing the moniker will sell. As such, Treyarch is expectedly well on their way with a fifth installment. And here's where I drop the bomb. It will not be as good as CoD4.

It's not the most shocking of news really. People will notice a dip in quality from 4 to 5. But the problem is they won't chalk it up to changing of the developers, it will become a matter of "5 isn't as good as 4," and maybe even "5 sucks. Call of Duty sucks. Hard."

And then installment number six will have to earn everyone's respect again. We'd be lucky if the majority would simply see this as the video game's version of the Star Trek curse; every odd numbered Call of Duty is garbage.

We haven't seen this with the series before because before CoD4, CoD2 for the 360 was the first time gamers got their mitts on an Infinity Ward developed CoD. Before that we had to contend with games of the CoD series by name only. And at that point (the 360's launch) the system hadn't reached the numbers it has now, so CoD2 really didn't make as significant an impact as CoD4.

And so, in believing that after the constant beatings Call of Duty suffered elsewhere it would become sole property of Infinity Ward, I was elated. And then it all came crumbling down.

I can't understand this need to overstimulate an audience. While Activision does run a business, and they obviously run it well, they could always try to improve. If anyone should understand brand fatigue, it should be them. Because of their yearly entries of the Tony Hawk series, people moved on to Skate. At least with Skate you could be promised a new experience. Neversoft is incredibly capable as a developer, imagine what they could do with another 6-12 months.

I honestly believe this is something that Infinity Ward wants. While they aren't forced to push out a sequel every year, is it any better than sitting by and watching someone else turn away your fans?

It's not often that I can say I'm revolted.

Hell, one time I was pouring maple syrup onto my pancakes and a wasp came out. Sure, I threw out the pancakes, but I would classify my feelings on the matter as nothing more than a little grossed out.

But this just takes the cake. It takes the cake, loads it up with fungus, and forces it into my throat.

Majesco, who obviously isn't the coolest kid on the block, is a little upset over a Gamespot writer's take on Cooking Mama 2. He awarded the title with a six out of ten. Which, if we are truly using the full ten points of the scale, places it above average. Good for Cooking Mama! Well, it was good until someone at Majesco felt that squeaking past an average score wasn't acceptable. He/She wasn't going to take it! They decided to write a sarcastic letter to the game's reviewer, thanking him for grounding the company after their success with past Cooking Mama titles. And while the letter is childish and pitiful, it's at least well written, something you don't find a lot of in most hate mail.

Mama's cooking alright. She's whipping up another batch of blood lust.

What I'm not really understanding is why would it have to come to this? Did this individual really feel that reaching out for sympathy would earn them favour in the gaming community's eyes? I understand the need to blow off steam, but most of the steam finds its way into my draft box, and it never rears it's inelegant head again.

But all this does is make me think way back to when former editor in chief Dan Hsu wrote about Ubisoft's hissyfit concerning Crispin Boyer's Assassin's Creed review. What bothered me most was that is eventually became nothing more than another case of a giant company looking down upon those that keep the gears oiled in this machine we call the video game industry.

Why was it that no one came to EGM's aid at this time? Irregardless of whether or not it's a publisher's responsibility to provide the "enthusiast press" with preview and review code, what Ubisoft did (and what EGM's competition did in turn) wasn't right. But I'm beginning to feel that maybe Ubisoft became the lesser of two evils.

If it were up to me, I would have sacrificed coverage of Ubisoft's wares in an effort to support EGM and it's staff, as well as gaming journalism as a whole. An issue that arose during that time was how would other writers review Ubisoft's products? Would every one simply pass their titles along with high scores just to retain their ability to remain competitive? Will Haze or any number of Tom Clancy games ever be given a fair shake from EGM?

But by showing Ubisoft the power they had as the press, they really could have made a difference. Maybe Ubisoft wouldn't have minded, and instead poured more money into the marketing machine. If that would have been the case, at least the industry could have understood how powerful and important they can be. I'm not advocating harsh reviews, but I do believe that every one has an opinion. And if Ubisoft wants to stifle that, then the gaming press should have stood together and let them. Then Ubisoft would have had a much larger mess on their hands, one that would take a lot longer to clean up.

The roller coaster relationship I have with Nintendo (and video games in general, but I can't be so loosey goosey for this post) is not one I can summarize in 500 words or less. It'd end up being some sort of Tolkien-esque epic that I'd have my son finish for me. And the foreword would be by Shigeru Miyamoto, for always making games that I didn't know I wanted.

So, in the effort of not providing you with sleeping material (my previous post probably met that criteria), I'll tackle my love-hate relationship with Nintendo's upcoming Wii Ware program. For those in the know, skip all this green coloured jazz.

Wii Ware is Nintendo's online distribution service for games that for whatever reason are deemed smaller or bitesized. Retail games are like the chocolate bars you get at the movie theatres; they're large and cost a little more than you'd care to spend. Wii Ware on the other hand provides games that you'd find at the bottom of your Halloween bag; small, affordable, and sometimes just plain awful. There is no bar of quality that a developer must meet to sell their product on the service, they just need to make it and get the ESRB to rate it. If you find one you like, you can buy it, with prices ranging from 500 Wii points to 1500.

So, when the service was first announced, I was really excited. Finally I would have a chance to play those games that the Queen Bee of Nintendo deemed too tiny or turdish to develop into a full blown game. You have to sell away your mother to make a game nowadays. Hideo Kojima's family won't even talk to him anymore in fear of being sold to a slave trade to raise funds for his ever escalating budgets.

So when I was operating on no information, I was quivering in anticipation. And then the information came, and I let a sigh sneak out of my mouth. I mean, Dr. Mario is cool and all but...why not show me how whack the Wii can be? Give me some cheap tech-demos, I'll eat them up I promise. But when the games scheduled for launch were discussed, I kind of lost interest in the upcoming line-up.

But, like a life preserver, those wild and whacky games have come to rescue my lifeless body from the swallows of self pity. In particular I'm talk about Lost Winds and World of Goo.

Now, they say that developers are only as good as their last game. So when it comes to Lost Winds developer Frontier Developments, I literally have no idea what to think. I'm aware that Thrillville won  the Editor's Choice Award from Children's Technology Review, but what does that mean for me, someone who is neither child nor technology? So, in my mind, Lost Winds is the dev's first shot at the big leagues. And my lord what a shot it looks to be. Something that I think is lost on alot of developers is that if you want to appeal to the Nintendo faithful, it's not as simple as hitting the Kiddify button. There's something about Nintendo's overall style that speaks to everybody. While you are controlling a portly plumber in a rainbow infested world, you feel as if nothing is cooler. I think Lost Winds has nailed that look, and more importantly, that Nintendo feel.

And while it's clear that Kirby's Canvas Curse had an influence, Lost Winds takes the concept to another level. Controlling a character that relies so greatly on another is such an interesting mechanic. Something like The Adventures of Cookie and Cream comes to mind. But what I really like is that the young boy, Toku, isn't completely useless on his own. Unlike Canvas Curse, he can be controlled separately from the supporting character (in this case, the wind). As such, you're juggling the two characters, which isn't something you see of too much in video games. I really think Frontier nailed it, and I can't wait for it's release.

Next up is another title that has an aethetic that really blows me away. When you see it for the first time I promise you you'll wake up concussed and in a hospital. It literally looks that beautiful. I'm talking significant other beautiful.

World of Goo hails from 2D Boy, which as you've probably guessed, is going to stick with 2D games for a little while. I know that somewhere Koji Igarashi is fist pumping excitedly. But based on World of Goo, I don't think we'll see them retreading the effortless pixel work we've been seeing in some DS games of late. What I like best is that unlike most puzzle games, World of Goo has a premise. But to even further differentiate itself from other puzzlers, the game's premise is commentary on ourselves. Maybe. Regardless, I love the gloomy visuals, makes me think of the Oddworld series, which despite being grotesque was still humourous.

 

While I wish I could say "Ah yes, I understand how this game plays perfectly!", I can't. But that's not a bad thing. I think the depth of the game is really going to surprise me. I get the gist of it, build structures out of goo to get said goo from A to B. But all this jazz about combining goo based on colour is going over my head for now. But I'm excited for the depth it'll provide when I get my non-gooey hands on it.

Lastly, and assuredly not least, is Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People (you should click the trailer link on the right hand side). But that should really go without saying. I mean, an episodic series of games from a developer who actually knows how to deliver on such a promise? Yes, it can happen, don't let those who couldn't commit fool you!

Ubisoft read my dream book; makes awaited sequel, punches bully

Remember that essay that you wrote in high school? The one you poured your heart and soul into, that beautiful four-paged-document that would earn you a place on the honour roll?

And while I'm sure you're blocked it out by now, do you recall getting that essay back, it covered in negative comments and big question marks? Turns out your teacher wasn't ready for it yet. The world wasn't ready for it yet.

Now, just think of me as a fan of that essay. I loved it. For every scribbling Mrs. Hawksley damned it with, I praised your writing once more.

Would you ever, in your right mind, write a second part to that original essay? Would it even be worth it?

That was the case with Beyond Good & Evil. It was truly something else. It told an interesting story without bogging the player down with an unnecessary abundance of horribly acted cut-scenes and poorly done voice acting. And it wowed you visually without relying on a million different shaders.

But it sold worse than tickets to be burned alive.

But people like me just couldn't shut up about it. We had to go on and on about how good and it was, and not seeing its ending resolved would force us to jump 20 stories. We didn't go as crazy as others, but we made it clear that we wanted a Beyond Good & Evil 2.

And it looks like we're getting results, so maybe we applied just the right amount of crazy.

Based on that teaser, I can say that BG&E2 is easily my most anticipated game...after June 12.

While the game has moved towards away from the style found in the original, I'd be willing to say it has evolved. In the Xbox, Gamecube, and PS2 days, they went with a style that worked with the limitations of those systems. It could have went for a more realistic look, but maybe Michel Ancel and his crew at Ubisoft Montpellier felt that that batch of systems couldn't turn out the results they wanted. And now, with a stronger set of systems on their hands, they can achieve something that isn't realistic, but instead just brings these cartoonish characters to life.

Or maybe they just want people to wonder what life would be like if everyone has a pig for an uncle.

Regardless, I love the game's style, especially this idea of a future with a southern twang. I'd love to say "Just like Firefly!", but I have no knowledge of that show beyond it's existence. So, if I ever come across this space-western theme again, I'll be sure to say "Just like Beyond Good & Evil 2!"

Also, because the game is destined for the PS3 and 360, we can lay to rest our beliefs that this was the game's official boxart. It was so convincing too.

As for what I'd like out of a sequel to BG&E, I'd have to say more of what I love. Vague, I know. What most impressed me was seeing my actions reproduced in underground rebel newspaper, IRIS-flash. While I was heralded as a hero there, The Hillyan Word would damn me and my attempts at "terrorizing" Hillys and the Alpha Section. It's a little touch that helps create the feeling of living in a real world, and it's not something we've seen too much of (Grand Theft Auto IV is one of the few to attempt it).

I hope BG&E2 sees more success than its predecessor, but not because of Ubisoft's insistence that it will appeal to a much more casual crowd this time around. While it's a little odd to hear someone say that BG&E was a little too difficult, I have faith that Michel Ancel will strike a far better balance than his company's spokesperson would leave you to believe.

The ugly truth behind Wii Fit (and why it's not so ugly)

Without coming off as an insensitive jerk, I'm disappointed by some people's need to raise a stink about the most ridiculous of issues. What has set me off is the reactions of a minority (which is then presented to the majority as "news") towards Wii Fit.

As you've probably heard, Wii Fit isn't holding anything back when it comes to informing out world's youth how trim they may or may not be.

Let it be said here and now; it blows to be a kid who is told that they are overweight. If The Legend of Zelda called me a loser for beating it's third dungeon, I wouldn't have been too happy either.

But here's why it's bothering me so. The name of the game is Wii Fit. Right then and there you understand what you're getting into. Is it foolish to believe that a video game whose sole purpose is for you to play it would make attempts for you to do so? By no means is it going to say "Hey, you're doing pretty alright for yourself. You totally just blew $90, you don't need me at all. You are just plain fierce." Instead, the game is going to tell you that you need it. While it's arguable that it could do it better than labeling someone as obese or overweight, that's the way it's done. While I prefer children to not be offended, I do think an adult should step in and tell them that it's just a video game. A video game saying your fat is hardly something to get upset over. I've had game's call me the Hero of Time, I don't believe them for a second.

You play God of War to be, you guessed it, the god of war. So you shouldn't be at all surprised when you're told to press Square to rip out a man's pancreas. Wii Fit works the same way, you can't be shocked that it will never find you to be the ideal weight. You can always be more healthy it seems, and Wii Fit will make sure it plays a part in that. While I'm sure I'll soon drive my Wii Fit Age down from 26, I doubt the credits will roll and my Balance Board high fives me. It'll still call me chubby and tell me to play more.

Individuals just need to be more aware of the marketing and business side of games. Games need you, you don't need them. But Wii Fit's goal is to change that, and if it needs to call you overweight to do so, it has no qualms.

I'm playing too much awesome at once

My back catalog is disgusting. While I don't have to bear the shame of unopened games collecting dust on my shelf, there are a few that I've spent a little over an hour with and haven't touched since.

It's not their fault, it's mine. How could my initial 45 minute round of Okami for the Wii be it's fault? It's frigging Okami.

So I've been making this foolhardy effort to play through my neglected ones. Things have been going okay, but being thrown into a game that is post-tutorial is hard for my forgetful mind. I've spent most of my time re-reading manuals just to get a grasp of things.

So what have I been playing? Let me show you...with words.

Let's start with what I've been able to lay to rest. First up is Uncharted. No, it's not some sort of new Uncharted, one that came out earlier this month. Sadly, it's the same Uncharted that I've had since Christmas. But as I've said before, I'm not too down with the scary part of a game. And based upon my reading of an EDGE magazine revew, I knew I was nearing such a part in the game. So I stood back for a bit, biding my time until I could face it once again. So I did. Last Tuesday to be exact, it was one of my braver days. And as I "tore" ass through it, I wound up beating it. So now I too can be that annoying friend and inform you that "I beat that," as I point to Uncharted's box sitting on the store's shelf. Loved the last bit of the game. If I were to rank the last boss fight, I'd say it was tepid. But hell, boss fights are ridiculous anyways. They should go the way of the dinosaur. Unless they're in a Metal Gear Solid game.

SEGUE!

I've talked about it before, but that post was more of a teaser than anything. So did I end up actually liking the Metal Gear games? Could I answer that more enthusiastically than with just a simple yes? How about I bold, italicize, underline, and make it red?

YES, I love Metal Gear!

The series is, for lack of a better phrase, something else. I'm just amazed at the details they hold within them. I'm sure I've thrown about how great the little details are in one game or another. But that was a lie! Yes, I was lying. I didn't mean to, but now that I've played through the majority of the Metal Gear Solid series, I realize just how wrong I was. A puff of smoke coming out of my hotboxed car in GTAIV is nothing compared to catching a cold if I stay outside too long in MGS2. The flash of light emitted by a gun's muzzle is paltry when stacked up next to an old man dying of old age when I haven't played MGS3 in a week (a real old man didn't die, I'm talking about one of the game's bosses, The End).

I've gotten through MGS1 (in Twin Snakes form, you can burn me after I've played through MGS4), MGS2, and I'm almost finished MGS3. Then it's on to MGS: Portable Ops. And I might get MGS: Ghost Babel off of Ebay, which I guess counts as my first MG experience considering I played it years and years ago.

To break up my Metal Gear Solid bender, I spend some time with Boom Blox, the game that people are finally talking about! I must admit that I too couldn't have cared less about Boom Blox when it was first announced. I think I even said some harsh things about Spielberg dreaming he could have had some of Miyamoto's excellence rub off on him when they met. But since I can't erase your mind of these rants, I have to admit that I couldn't have been more wrong. Boom Blox is the boss, applesauce. It is a showcase for the Wii, something it could use a lot more of. What's best about it is the variety. EA really took Journey's "Any way you want it" to heart, as Boom Blox provides me with everything one could need. Even though I praised Echochrome for being a puzzle game that didn't rely on blocks, I have to hand it to Boom Blox. Not since Meteos have I had such fun with my favourite of the four cornered shapes.

Another escape of mine that I take in quick doses is LostWinds and Defend Your Castle, both from Nintendo's WiiWare service. I used to think eating at a local gourmet hamburger place was the best use of $10, but LostWinds has changed that. It's as if Frontier looked at all those third companies complaining about Nintendo games killing their sales and said "You're just not doing it right." LostWinds takes what makes Nintendo games work and flaunts it as its own. It has a great sense of style, it manages to keep things simple and still surprise you with its beauty. And the controls are great, they really take advantage of the Wii remote, and if other developers aren't kicking themselves over it, they aren't looking hard enough. As for Defend Your Castle, I love how easily it is to just pick it up for five minutes and really feel like you've done something. Since each attack on your castle is so short lived, you can easily jump into it and know that you've progressed. It takes a interesting South Park approach to it's visuals and sound, everything is very crude and homemade. Bad guys are made of Pepsi caps, and explosions are nothing more than someone imitating a bomb going off. Great stuff.

As for games that I should really be spending more one on one time with, Ratchet and Clank Future and Okami come to mind. My time with them has been insanely sporadic, but not because they can't hold my attention. They're both amazing games, and I only wish the days were longer because of them. But once I wrap up my Metal Gear Tour de Force, I'll happily enjoy them a lot more.

What scares me most is how many more games are arriving in the next couple of weeks. Next week we've got Haze for PS3, and Blast Works for Wii. And who knows what PSN, XBLA, and WiiWare have in store (I know that Penny Arcade Adventures and Dr. Mario RX are likely contestants for my dollar). And MGS4 in early June? While it seems suitable to say it sucks to be me, it's actually quite the opposite.

Gametrailers tricks me again! Followed by some PoP drooling.

Beware my friends.

As you travel up the winding path to the dark and dingy castle known as Gametrailers.com, make sure you pay close attention to the signs that lead the way.

I made the mistake of not, and I payed dearly.

"First look you say?

As art comes to life? Well, the game is cel-shaded, so I understand your double meaning! Very clever! What the hell am I looking at though? Someone's torso? Anyways, that's not important, sexy-hot Prince of Persia "Next Gen" footage awaits. I can't wait to see what the PS4 and Xbox 720 can do!"

And that's when I wasted one minute and 54 seconds of my life, hoping to see the next PoP in motion. Instead, I got to watch some guy draw what looked to be something out of the next Ninja Gaiden.

So there's the lesson, kids. Everything Gametrailers says is 100 per cent literal. When they say "Get a glimpse of the Prince as art comes to life!", they are actually saying you get to watch someone draw. When they say "World Exclusive footage of Resistance 2!", it means you get to watch a 2 minute video of titles, company logos, and a cinematic that won't be in the game.

And since my American buddies at Gametrailers have let me down, I'll have to crawl on over to France, where I'd be lucky if they spat on me, let alone provide my with PoP screenshots.

Luckily, my grade nine comprehension of French allowed me to stumble upon what I consider to be one of the most gorgeous games I've ever seen. Between this and Valkyria Chronicles, cel-shading has never looked better.

You can see a lot more over here, and if you can read French, you'll be way ahead of me. I really dislike scanning magazines, but it's French and sold in France, so honestly, I could never buy it anyways.

I've been Grand Thefted...possibly Auto'd

I've never been a huge fan of Grand Theft Auto.

I wish I could give you entertaining reasons. If only it was because I was opposed to "strong sexual content", or that "partial nudity" really gets under my skin. I want to tell you that "strong launguage" gets on my last nerve, but I'm actually quite happy dropping an F or S bomb here or there.

I don't like Grand Theft Auto because I get overwhelmed. I don't freeze up and weep or anything when I have the choice of three different missions to tackle, but I hate all those opportunities. I like having a set path, straight and narrow. But GTA (and other "sand-box" games) makes my head spin. What do you mean I have to choose if a man lives or dies? What are the outcomes? You can't tell me?! But what if I make the wrong decision? Etcetera, etcetera.

I'm happy to report (in fact, I'm lucky to report, as I'm nearly $100 poorer), that Grand Theft Auto 4 is my cup of tea. It's the perfect blend of orange pekoe, three sugars, and two milks.

What made all the difference is how accessible everything has become. It's almost as if they Wii-ized the game. But that's not to say Miyamoto upended any tea tables, the game doesn't run the risk of being more casual that past iterations. Instead, I found the game to flow really well. What really made my heart sing was the ability to set waypoints on the map! WOW! Screw everything else, this really should have been a bullet point on the back of the box. It just makes traversing the city so much easier. Instead of fumbling around back alleys and generally getting myself into trouble, I can go to my map and choose where I'd like to go. From here I just follow my mini-map to the destination and voila! I'm at Burger Shot. While it seems like such a minor (possibly lame) detail, it really allows me to focus on the task at hand.

Speaking of lame features no one probably cares about, you can now turn off the story mode of the game and paint the town red! I found that early on I was getting bombarded by phone calls. "Niko do this," and "Niko wipe my bum," it was really starting to interfere with what I was trying to do. I could be on my way to pick up some ammo or food, and I get a text message from Little Jacob, an acquaintance of mine who dabbles in gun laundering. He wanted to go play darts, but I had other things to do, so I said no. Well guess what? Buddy gives me a thumbs down and our former level of tightness goes down a notch. Not cool. So now you can turn off such favours and explore.

So now that I've listed the lamest reasons ever for loving GTAIV, maybe it's time for reasons that are actually interesting.

For one, Rockstar North must have kept all their voice actors imprisoned in a state of the art dungeon. While I hope they weren't subjected to medieval era torture, it's hard to believe they weren't when they have to act out such a gross amount of dialogue. While it's pretty much known that every mission has its fair share of spoken word, it's crazy that upon repeated attempts that different dialogue replaces it. And it's not just minor stuff either. You can have completely different conversations, while still revolving around the same subject. And if you fail a mission enough (which I have), eventually your partner will tell you he's bored and that we should "just listen to some music." Even the pedestrians can't shut up. I stood and listened to a street preacher for several minutes, and not once did he loop back to the start. What pushes Rockstar North to go to such lengths? Does Take-Two make their families wear bomb collars or something?

What GTAIV really goes to bat for is the importance of style in a video game. In a lot of areas GTAIV doesn't compete with the best of it's big budget peers. In terms of visuals, it can't go toe to toe with something like Uncharted. But there's just something about it that strikes a perfect balance between cartoon and reality. All of its characters are so creatively brought to life. No one person fits the role of any archetype, even our protagonist, Niko, is not without his flaws. When he tries on clothes you can see the belly he has, and it even seems like he's conscious of it as well when he runs his hand over it. All of the game's characters are so unattractive that they become alluring. It's how people actually are. While it may not pack the effect and technical wizardry of something like Gears of War, in terms of little details it can't be beat. Without spoiling anything, your cell phone behaves just as a cell phone should, and a TV works just as it would in the real world. It's just chock-full of the tiniest details, but they make all the difference.

Oh, and on a final note, being drunk in the game sucks. Whenever a friends wants to go out drinking, I curse them under my breath. I'm hoping I stumble upon something that cures my impairment, because you're practically uncontrollable for quite some time when drunk. All this talk about driving while under the influence is crazy, I can't imagine anyone wanting to attempt it. The way the screen bobs and weaves is incredibly disorienting, although, Niko and co. do look amazing as they stumble around. But in my stupors I have bumped into the wrong people, and drunk fights are not where it's at.

 

The Call of Duty Curse

The lord giveth, and the lord can taketh away. It's a dramatic way to make a point, but it is true. It's like when your parents remind you that since they brought you into this world, they could also take you out of it. They're completely capable. And if you keep spending "all this money on goddamn video games", they're likely willing as well.

And yesterday I found myself being given a great bit of news. Infinity Ward was rumoured to have obtained sole custody of the Call of Duty franchise. Despite the fact that I was required to ingest this news with a grain or two of salt, I felt that it was entirely believable. Who would ever want to be in Infinity Ward's position? Imagine creating the Oreo. People love it, and it proves to be a popular cookie. But then Mr. Christie is all, "While you work on a new cookie, we're going to have this other chef make the Oreo." So here you are, working hard to make the next great cookie. The Oreo made you a star, and you want to continue to do it justice. But this other chef, he's a bit of a loser. He never quite nails the recipe, and wants to add his own ingredients. Next thing you now, you have Oreos on the shelf that have a damn olive in them. So, you release your new Oreo, and people love you all over again. All you did was make a more attractive Oreo, you didn't mess with the formula like the other guy because that's what the people want. Oreo's with a pink filling.

And that's how things have been for Infinity Ward. After creating Call of Duty 1 and 2, they wanted to take their time to craft the next installment. But Activision, who didn't have World of Warcraft lining their coffers at the time, wanted more. But Infinity Ward put their foot down and was all "Nuh uh! We sick of World War 2, get it outta our fayce!" So Activision gave Treyarch the keys to the Call of Duty franchise. And they did nothing but give it back to Infinity Ward in horrible shape.

Could you imagine having to rebuild a franchise with each and every attempt?  With the sales and acclaim Call of Duty 4 has rightfully accrued,  it's obvious that the developers know what they're doing. But what it also means is that Call of Duty is the new hotness, and that it's obvious that a pair of soiled pants bearing the moniker will sell. As such, Treyarch is expectedly well on their way with a fifth installment. And here's where I drop the bomb. It will not be as good as CoD4.

It's not the most shocking of news really. People will notice a dip in quality from 4 to 5. But the problem is they won't chalk it up to changing of the developers, it will become a matter of "5 isn't as good as 4," and maybe even "5 sucks. Call of Duty sucks. Hard."

And then installment number six will have to earn everyone's respect again. We'd be lucky if the majority would simply see this as the video game's version of the Star Trek curse; every odd numbered Call of Duty is garbage.

We haven't seen this with the series before because before CoD4, CoD2 for the 360 was the first time gamers got their mitts on an Infinity Ward developed CoD. Before that we had to contend with games of the CoD series by name only. And at that point (the 360's launch) the system hadn't reached the numbers it has now, so CoD2 really didn't make as significant an impact as CoD4.

And so, in believing that after the constant beatings Call of Duty suffered elsewhere it would become sole property of Infinity Ward, I was elated. And then it all came crumbling down.

I can't understand this need to overstimulate an audience. While Activision does run a business, and they obviously run it well, they could always try to improve. If anyone should understand brand fatigue, it should be them. Because of their yearly entries of the Tony Hawk series, people moved on to Skate. At least with Skate you could be promised a new experience. Neversoft is incredibly capable as a developer, imagine what they could do with another 6-12 months.

I honestly believe this is something that Infinity Ward wants. While they aren't forced to push out a sequel every year, is it any better than sitting by and watching someone else turn away your fans?

Game journalists, smile on your brother

It's not often that I can say I'm revolted.

Hell, one time I was pouring maple syrup onto my pancakes and a wasp came out. Sure, I threw out the pancakes, but I would classify my feelings on the matter as nothing more than a little grossed out.

But this just takes the cake. It takes the cake, loads it up with fungus, and forces it into my throat.

Majesco, who obviously isn't the coolest kid on the block, is a little upset over a Gamespot writer's take on Cooking Mama 2. He awarded the title with a six out of ten. Which, if we are truly using the full ten points of the scale, places it above average. Good for Cooking Mama! Well, it was good until someone at Majesco felt that squeaking past an average score wasn't acceptable. He/She wasn't going to take it! They decided to write a sarcastic letter to the game's reviewer, thanking him for grounding the company after their success with past Cooking Mama titles. And while the letter is childish and pitiful, it's at least well written, something you don't find a lot of in most hate mail.

Mama's cooking alright. She's whipping up another batch of blood lust.

What I'm not really understanding is why would it have to come to this? Did this individual really feel that reaching out for sympathy would earn them favour in the gaming community's eyes? I understand the need to blow off steam, but most of the steam finds its way into my draft box, and it never rears it's inelegant head again.

But all this does is make me think way back to when former editor in chief Dan Hsu wrote about Ubisoft's hissyfit concerning Crispin Boyer's Assassin's Creed review. What bothered me most was that is eventually became nothing more than another case of a giant company looking down upon those that keep the gears oiled in this machine we call the video game industry.

Why was it that no one came to EGM's aid at this time? Irregardless of whether or not it's a publisher's responsibility to provide the "enthusiast press" with preview and review code, what Ubisoft did (and what EGM's competition did in turn) wasn't right. But I'm beginning to feel that maybe Ubisoft became the lesser of two evils.

If it were up to me, I would have sacrificed coverage of Ubisoft's wares in an effort to support EGM and it's staff, as well as gaming journalism as a whole. An issue that arose during that time was how would other writers review Ubisoft's products? Would every one simply pass their titles along with high scores just to retain their ability to remain competitive? Will Haze or any number of Tom Clancy games ever be given a fair shake from EGM?

But by showing Ubisoft the power they had as the press, they really could have made a difference. Maybe Ubisoft wouldn't have minded, and instead poured more money into the marketing machine. If that would have been the case, at least the industry could have understood how powerful and important they can be. I'm not advocating harsh reviews, but I do believe that every one has an opinion. And if Ubisoft wants to stifle that, then the gaming press should have stood together and let them. Then Ubisoft would have had a much larger mess on their hands, one that would take a lot longer to clean up.

Why I care about Ware

The roller coaster relationship I have with Nintendo (and video games in general, but I can't be so loosey goosey for this post) is not one I can summarize in 500 words or less. It'd end up being some sort of Tolkien-esque epic that I'd have my son finish for me. And the foreword would be by Shigeru Miyamoto, for always making games that I didn't know I wanted.

So, in the effort of not providing you with sleeping material (my previous post probably met that criteria), I'll tackle my love-hate relationship with Nintendo's upcoming Wii Ware program. For those in the know, skip all this green coloured jazz.

Wii Ware is Nintendo's online distribution service for games that for whatever reason are deemed smaller or bitesized. Retail games are like the chocolate bars you get at the movie theatres; they're large and cost a little more than you'd care to spend. Wii Ware on the other hand provides games that you'd find at the bottom of your Halloween bag; small, affordable, and sometimes just plain awful. There is no bar of quality that a developer must meet to sell their product on the service, they just need to make it and get the ESRB to rate it. If you find one you like, you can buy it, with prices ranging from 500 Wii points to 1500.

So, when the service was first announced, I was really excited. Finally I would have a chance to play those games that the Queen Bee of Nintendo deemed too tiny or turdish to develop into a full blown game. You have to sell away your mother to make a game nowadays. Hideo Kojima's family won't even talk to him anymore in fear of being sold to a slave trade to raise funds for his ever escalating budgets.

So when I was operating on no information, I was quivering in anticipation. And then the information came, and I let a sigh sneak out of my mouth. I mean, Dr. Mario is cool and all but...why not show me how whack the Wii can be? Give me some cheap tech-demos, I'll eat them up I promise. But when the games scheduled for launch were discussed, I kind of lost interest in the upcoming line-up.

But, like a life preserver, those wild and whacky games have come to rescue my lifeless body from the swallows of self pity. In particular I'm talk about Lost Winds and World of Goo.

Now, they say that developers are only as good as their last game. So when it comes to Lost Winds developer Frontier Developments, I literally have no idea what to think. I'm aware that Thrillville won  the Editor's Choice Award from Children's Technology Review, but what does that mean for me, someone who is neither child nor technology? So, in my mind, Lost Winds is the dev's first shot at the big leagues. And my lord what a shot it looks to be. Something that I think is lost on alot of developers is that if you want to appeal to the Nintendo faithful, it's not as simple as hitting the Kiddify button. There's something about Nintendo's overall style that speaks to everybody. While you are controlling a portly plumber in a rainbow infested world, you feel as if nothing is cooler. I think Lost Winds has nailed that look, and more importantly, that Nintendo feel.

And while it's clear that Kirby's Canvas Curse had an influence, Lost Winds takes the concept to another level. Controlling a character that relies so greatly on another is such an interesting mechanic. Something like The Adventures of Cookie and Cream comes to mind. But what I really like is that the young boy, Toku, isn't completely useless on his own. Unlike Canvas Curse, he can be controlled separately from the supporting character (in this case, the wind). As such, you're juggling the two characters, which isn't something you see of too much in video games. I really think Frontier nailed it, and I can't wait for it's release.

Next up is another title that has an aethetic that really blows me away. When you see it for the first time I promise you you'll wake up concussed and in a hospital. It literally looks that beautiful. I'm talking significant other beautiful.

World of Goo hails from 2D Boy, which as you've probably guessed, is going to stick with 2D games for a little while. I know that somewhere Koji Igarashi is fist pumping excitedly. But based on World of Goo, I don't think we'll see them retreading the effortless pixel work we've been seeing in some DS games of late. What I like best is that unlike most puzzle games, World of Goo has a premise. But to even further differentiate itself from other puzzlers, the game's premise is commentary on ourselves. Maybe. Regardless, I love the gloomy visuals, makes me think of the Oddworld series, which despite being grotesque was still humourous.

 

While I wish I could say "Ah yes, I understand how this game plays perfectly!", I can't. But that's not a bad thing. I think the depth of the game is really going to surprise me. I get the gist of it, build structures out of goo to get said goo from A to B. But all this jazz about combining goo based on colour is going over my head for now. But I'm excited for the depth it'll provide when I get my non-gooey hands on it.

Lastly, and assuredly not least, is Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People (you should click the trailer link on the right hand side). But that should really go without saying. I mean, an episodic series of games from a developer who actually knows how to deliver on such a promise? Yes, it can happen, don't let those who couldn't commit fool you!